i am

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harlem, usa
same-gender-loving contemporary descendant of enslaved africans. community activist, feminist, health educator, independent filmmaker, mentor, playwright, poet & spiritual being. featured at, in & on africana.com, afrikan poetry theatre, angel herald, bejata dot com, bet tonight with tavis smiley, blacklight online, black noir, brooklyn moon cafe, gmhc's barbershop, klmo-fm, lgbt community services center, longmoor productions, nuyorican poets cafe, our corner, poz, pulse, rolling out new york, rush arts gallery, saint veronica's church, schomburg center for research in black culture, sexplorations, the citizen, the new york times, the soundz bar, the trenton times, the village voice, upn news, uzuri, venus, vibe, wbai-fm, wnyc-fm & wqht-fm. volunteered with adodi, bailey house, inc., black men's xchange-new york, colorofchange.org, drug policy alliance, east harlem tutorial program, imagenation film & music festival, presente.org, save darfur coalition, the enough project, the osborne association, the sledge group & your black world. worked on films with maurice jamal & heather murphy. writing student of phil bertelsen & ed bullins. mjt975@msn.com.

Saturday, February 08, 2014

A Visit With My Doctor

last thursday afternoon i visited my primary care physician for a routine check-up at a clinic in the bronx. she's a powerful latina; 60 years old, compassionate, kind, loving, progressive, and very thorough with her medical assessments. she always encourages me to honor my body, mind and spirit, no matter what challenges life presents me.  

while giving me the results of my blood work from the last session, she informed me i'm pre-diabetic, which is her major concern regarding my health at this point in my journey. she said my "number" is 5.8. and, if the "number" reaches 6.5, it means i'm diabetic - and will require treatment, in the form of medication.

i tried to act cool in her presence, but i feel anxious, overwhelmed, sad, upset and worried. diabetes is not pervasive in my family, however, my mother and aunt maxine have diabetes. also, i just learned my oldest brother, michael, was diagnosed in march, 2012. he shared this with me on facebook as we chatted around 2:00 saturday morning.

all of these feelings have competed for undivided attention since i left her office. additionally, i'm 15 pounds overweight and developed fatty tissues underneath both armpits. initially, i thought the excess fat was a side effect from stribild, the daily pill i take for hiv. well, at least, i was hoping she would tell me this to relieve me from the responsibility of having to do something about it.

when i look in the mirror i don't feel good about my physical self. i've never had to deal with fatty tissue underneath my arms. never. several months ago i began to have this nagging feeling something isn't quite right. every time i lifted my arms i'd feel a new and unwarranted sensation. i thought it would go away. when it didn't, i struggled to survive my emotions.

i've recently fantasized about surgery to remove the uncomfortable weight. at age 53, my body seems to betray me. i try to eat right and hit the gym three times a week. still, i've been unhappy with the results. normally i would try to cover my emerging self-pity with fried foods and ice cream. but that unhealthy remedy stopped working years ago.

over the last decade or so, i've inventoried my dysfunctional relationship with food. i have a weight problem: i can't wait to eat. my weight tends to go up and down like luther and oprah, though not as extreme. last august i weighed 192 pounds. but when i got on the scale the nurse said i was 206 pounds. i asked him to delete a few pounds because i was wearing boots. i felt embarrassed.

when my doctor told me to lose 15 pounds last summer, i complied. not for her, but for me. I felt so good about my accomplishment. she was pleased as well, giving me a high five in her office after doing a double-take reviewing my chart. nonetheless, at the moment, i can't remember how i did it. the news she gave me has fully compromised my brain.

she asked me what foods have i been eating to cause weight gain. my first impulse was to lie by omission, a familiar shortcoming to mask old feelings of inadequacy, shame and worthlessness. I felt naked and vulnerable in her office as she looked me in the eye with her penetrating gaze. our relationship spans a decade and I trust her loving care.

she has my best interest at heart.

if i want to prevent diabetes, i have to stop eating what hurts me. she suggested bread, pasta and wheat products once a month only. i like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on wheat bread. for my lunch, it's economical, quick and tasty. i like turkey and veggie burgers on wheat bread. for dinner, these sandwiches also serve the same purpose.

i like to buy pre-packaged sandwiches for lunch, normally with salmon or turkey on wheat bread. not anymore. damn. i've decided to eat salads regularly for lunch. i like huge salads with bananas, croutons and mixed nuts. my doctor gave me a recipe for a salad dressing with olive oil and vinegar. i need to buy some cooking utensils to make it happen. sigh. 

i like organic pasta with turkey meatballs and newman's sauce for dinner. $10 covers three meals, which takes about 10 minutes to cook. and now i have to change. i'll buy more frozen vegetables to eat with salmon, turkey burgers and veggie burgers. it's' another adjustment i have to make, yet i don't feel confident in my ability to discipline myself without slipping into old, familiar patterns. 

i truly believe in my heart god won't give me more than i can handle, regardless of how i feel about the issue at hand. i've learned feelings sometimes don't make sense. i need to rely on his strength and courage, along with putting spiritual living first. am i scared? yes. do i believe i will be okay? yes. i don't want diabetes. however, i know i'm neither alone nor unique. i will survive, with a smile.


Thursday, February 06, 2014

George Zimmerman and DMX preparing to fight in a "celebrity" boxing match

george zimmerman agreed to fight embattled rapper dmx in a pay-per-view, so-called "celebrity" boxing match to be broadcast online. the bizarre announcement was made on the same day as trayvon martin's birthday. he would have been 19 years old.

fight promoter damon feldman suggests the fight will bring "justice" to martin. but feldman, who lost his promoter's license and was banned from promoting fights in his native pennsylvania - after admitting 95% of his matches were rigged - stands to profit handsomely from a racially polarizing event.

zimmerman announced on monday he wanted to fight kanye west, because west "attacks defenseless people." yet during his infamous trial, zimmerman claimed he feared for his life in a struggle with an unarmed teenager, whom he ultimately shot and killed. martin is similar in height and weight to dmx.

the fight's details are scheduled to be outlined at a press conference on wednesday. march 14 is the projected date, and  floyd mayweather, sr. is to be the referee. however, dmx has yet to finalize his contract and no corporate sponsors have signed on. dmx is 43 years old. zimmerman is 30 years old. feldman says he got over 15,00 e-mails about the fight, but no one knows where it will be held.

Monday, February 03, 2014

Seattle Seahawks crush Denver Broncos to win Super Bowl 48

the seattle seahawks defeated the denver broncos 43-8 to win their first super bowl title. seattle completely disarmed the highest offense in league history. on denver's first play, their center snapped the ball over peyton manning's head, resulting in a safety. denver never established a rhythm, and seattle's top ranked defense coerced four costly turnovers.

the championship game, played at met life stadium in east rutherford, new jersey, was hyped as a classic between the two best teams. denver ended 2013 with a record 606 points, averaging nearly 39 points per game. manning set single-season records with 5,477 passing yards and 55 touchdowns, and was voted league mvp earlier in the week.

the seahawks defense, fueled by all-pro cornerback richard sherman, led the nfl in forcing turnovers and making interceptions; they surrendered just 16 touchdowns all year. their front four punished opposing quarterbacks regularly, and their secondary is the most physical in recent memory. some pundits compared their victory to the 1985 bears and 2000 ravens.

punctuating the seahawks' dominating performance was a 69-yard interception return by linebacker malcolm smith, giving seattle a 22-0 to take into the locker room. smith was named mvp - just the third linebacker to win the award. when percy harvin opened the second half with an 89-yard kickoff return, their fans - known in seattle as the 12th man - chanted, "l.o.b. l.o.b. their hard-hitting secondary is called legions of boom.

smith was a seventh-round draft pick. both he and sherman referenced their unheralded teammates as "misfits with a chip on our shoulder." he said, "i always imagined myself making great plays, but never thought about being the mvp." sherman said, "i hope we etched our names into the record books." all-pro safety earl thomas said, "it's all about making history. this was a dominant performance from top to bottom."

seattle's average age is 26 years, 138 days, youngest in super bowl history. the victory was particularly sweet for coach pete carroll, fired by the jets in 1994. he was let go by the patriots after three seasons at the helm. after a brief stint out of coaching, he won two national titles at the university of southern california.       

carroll won just four years after coaching the seahawks, and eight years after seattle lost their only super bowl trip against pittsburgh. his team was labeled too brash, too inexperienced and too young. but after lifting the vince lombardi trophy, there was nothing left to prove - to themselves and others. super bowl 48 was the most watched event in television history, with 111.5 million viewers.

Saturday, February 01, 2014

Stop and Frisk Policy will be reformed by Mayor de Blasio

mayor bill de blasio on thursday committed to reform stop-and-frisk police tactics, agreed to the appointment of a monitor and seeks to end a 14-year court fight culminating in a judge's ruling the new york city police department discriminated in carrying out the controversial program.

"we believe these steps will make everyone safer," de blasio told a brooklyn news conference shortly after city lawyers asked the second u.s. circuit court of appeals to return the case to the lower court "for the purpose of exploring a full resolution." he also said, "this will be one city where everyone rises together, where everyone's rights are protected." 

de blasio said the city agreed to the appointment of a monitor for three years to oversee the creation of reforms aimed at ending discrimination. the monitor will oversee a process in which those communities most affected by the stop-and-frisk tactics, will provide input on the reforms.

"i can't wait to get started," said vincent warren, executive director of the center for constitutional rights, which has represented plaintiffs in the lawsuits. but he cautioned the announcement won't immediately end discrimination. warren said, "nobody standing here today is pretending this mission is accomplished. the problem hasn't been solved. we will have a collaborative reform process. we'll have a court monitor to ensure these reforms move forward."

police commissioner william bratton said the policy, as it had been carried out for years, left too many people who were frisked wondering, "why,why me?" while police officers, being pressed to make more arrests - even as crime rates fell dramatically - were wondering, "why more?' he said the practice tore the fabric between the police and the population. he said, "we need to repair it."

a judge ruled last year the nypd discriminated against blacks and latinos when stopping, questioning and sometimes frisking people on the street. the judge ordered major reforms to the nypd's implementation of the policy. former mayor michael Bloomberg vehemently appealed the decision. but de blasio, who took office last month, prioritized this issue in his campaign, and wants results.

during bloomberg's 12-year tenure, stops had soared to more than five million in the past decade, primarily black and latino men. about 10% of the stops resulted in arrests or summons; weapons were found 2% of the time. four men sued the nypd in 2008, saying they were unfairly targeted because of their race.

u.s. district court judge shira scheindlin presided over a 10-week bench trial. she heard testimony from a dozen new yorkers who said they were wrongly stopped. she agreed, imposing a court-appointed monitor to oversee reforms. but her ruling has been on hold pending the appeal.

the federal appeals court took the unusual step of removing scheindlin from the case, saying she misapplied a related ruling allowing her to accept it to begin with, and had inappropriately spoken publicly about the case. plaintiffs' attorney jonathan moore said the city's decision to drop the appeal "vindicates the findings by judge scheindlin and provides the opportunity for the nypd to reform policies and practices that the district court found unconstitutional."

        

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Li Na and Stanislaw Wawrinka Win 2014 Australian Open Singles Titles

li na of china beat dominika cibulkova of slovakia, 7-6, 6-0 on saturday to win the 2014 australian open women's singles title. she turns 32 next month, and became the oldest female champion down under in the open era. this was her third australian open final in four years, losing to kim clisters in 2011 and victoria azarenka last year.

li never faced a top 20 opponent en route to the final. she defeated the two youngest players in the tournament, and saved a match point in the third round against lucie safarova. in the semifinals she beat the upstart canadian, 19 year-old eugenie bouchard. afterwards, she immediately went into the stands to thank her coach, carlos rodriguez. "finally i got her...last two times was very close," she said, upon lifting the daphne akhurst trophy with joy.

cibulkova, at 5'3, is the first slovakian female to reach a major final. she beat four seeded players, including former champion maria sharapova in the third round and defending champion azarenka in the quarterfinals. the 20th seeded cibulkova was a crowd favorite with her energy, grit and smile. she will jump 11 places from #24 to #13 in the wta rankings on monday. li na will move up to #3.

stanislaw wawrinka of switzerland upset world #1 rafael nadal of spain 6-3, 6-2, 3-6, 6-3 on sunday to win the 2014 australian open men's singles title. wawrinka claimed his first ever major singles win in his first ever major final. the 28 year-old wawrinka had never taken a set off the charismatic nadal in their 12 previous meetings.

wawrinka became the first man in 21 years to beat the #1 and #2 players en route to a major title. he beat novak djokovic of serbia in five sets in four hours in the quarterfinals, ending a run of 14 consecutive losses to him. wawrinka moves from #8 to #3 in the new rankings, surpassing - for the first time in his career - his countryman, doubles partner and good friend roger federer, who lost to nadal in the semifinals. 

nadal became visibly injured early in the second set and fought gallantly until wawrinka delivered a blistering forehand winner on match point. during the trophy ceremony, wawrinka said, "rafa, i'm really sorry for you, i hope your back is going to be fine, you're a really great guy, good friend and amazing champion." 34 of the last 35 majors went to federer, nadal, djokovic and andy murray.

16 Year-old Black Male sexually assaulted by Philadelphia Police

darrin manning, a 16 year-old black male in philadelphia, was stopped by police while going to a high school basketball game with his friends. he claims a female officer handled him aggressively and his genitals were injured. manning was forced to have emergency surgery - and faces the prospect of being infertile.

manning's brutal assault, mistreatment and trauma on January 7 is shameful. yet the philadelphia district attorney r. seth williams intends to press charges against him. the group of friends started running away, but manning said he stopped running and tried to comply with police orders because he was innocent of any wrongdoing.

after he was arrested, manning said an officer violently patted him down and "grabbed and squeezed and pulled my private parts and i felt something pop." despite a court order to reduce it, philadelphia continues to utilize the polarizing stop and frisk policy at a very high rate. black and brown youth are disproportionately targeted by a department with a history of racial oppression.

manning is a straight a student and star athlete with no criminal history. like trayvon martin, he was unarmed, posing no thereat to society. despite being victimized, he faces three misdemeanor charges: reckless endangerment to of another person, resisting arrest, and simple assault. his attorney called the charges outrageous. 

lewis small, manning's attorney, said, "it's horrible. it's sexual assault, as far as i'm concerned. national outrage has unified efforts to demand the charges are dropped immediately, and the officers involved held accountable by law. one of the officers visible in the security footage has been placed on desk duty. it's unclear if that officer searched manning.

police commissioner charles h. ramsey said internal affairs investigators would like to speak with manning. but his attorney will not let manning speak with police until his charges are dropped. small said, "i'm not going to allow my client to sit down and give a written statement. that's in effect malpractice by any attorney while criminal charges are outstanding." 

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Indian Village Court orders gang rape of woman as punishment for her boyfriend

village elders in india ordered the gang rape of a 20 year-old woman after they found out she was in a relationship with a man from a different community, police said on thursday. 13 people were arrested in a rural part of west bengal in connection with the alleged offense which left the woman in critical condition in the hospital.

birbhum police chief c. sudhakar told the bbc, "the relationship was going on for almost five years. when the man visited the woman's home on monday with the proposal of marriage, villagers spotted him and organized a kangaroo court. during the proceedings, the couple were made to sit with hands tied."

sudhakar said the elders took action because the woman was from their tribal community and her boyfriend was from a non-tribal community nearby. kangaroo courts, made up of village elders, do not have an official capacity but are not uncommon, especially in the rural areas in india.

the woman said she was assaulted at night on january 20 in the district of birbhum. sudhakar said the lead elder, who is among those arrested, initially ordered the woman's family to pay 25,000 rupees ($400). but they were too poor to pay the fine - and he told the alleged gang rapists "go enjoy the girl and have fun," according to a complaint filed by the family.

according to a report by reuters, the men appeared in court and are now remanded in jail. the issue of sexual violence against women and girls in india became a national and international concern last year after a 23 year-old student was killed in a brutal gang rape in delhi in 2012. the case shocked the world, which led to nationwide protests and a toughening of the laws covering sex crimes.
      

Monday, January 20, 2014

Russian President Vladimir Putin equates homosexualitty with pedophilia

russian president vladimir putin has offered new assurances for gay athletes, fans and progressive folks attending the 2014 sochi winter olympics next month. yet he defended russia's anti-gay law by equating gays with pedophiles. he said russia needs to "cleanse" itself of homosexuality if it wants to increase its birthrate.

putin's views aired in an interview broadcast on sunday with russian and foreign television stations. a russian law passed last year banning "propaganda of nontraditional sexual relations" among minors has caused an international outcry. he refused to answer a question from the bbc on whether he believes people are born gay or become gay.

russian law suggests information about homosexuality can somehow influence a child's orientation. the polarizing law has contributed to growing animosity towards gays in russian society. activists have reported a rise in abuse, harassment and intolerance.

global fears about how gays will be treated in sochi are being diffused by olympic organizers and russian officials who said no discrimination will take place in sochi. during the televised interview, putin reiterated their stance by stating, "there are no fears for people with this nontraditional orientation who plan to come to sochi as guests or participants."

putin said the law was aimed at banning propaganda of homosexuality and pedophilia, suggesting  gays are more likely to sexually abuse children. he noted with pride how russian law saw more births than deaths last year for the first time in two decades. population growth is vital for russia's development and, he said, "anything that gets in the way of that we should clean up."

the russian president, in the interview, accused the united states of double standards in its criticism of russian law. putin noted there are currently laws on the books, in some u.s. states, classifying gay sex as a crime. the u.s. supreme court, however, ruled in 2003 such laws are unconstitutional. homosexuality was a crime in the entire former soviet union, which collapsed in 1991. it was decriminalized in russia two years later.

the sochi winter olympics will be held february 7 through february 23.        

  

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Nigerian man whipped 20 times in court for sodomy conviction

a young man convicted of sodomy was whipped 20 times thursday in a northern nigerian shariah court. though mubarak ibrahim was found guilty under shariah law, it's the first conviction of a gay man in nigeria since president goodluck jonathan signed a bill which furthers the criminalization of homosexuality under the west african nation's westernized penal code.

activists believe the new law promotes homophobia and endangers gay people in a country where lynchings and mob justice are common. but the muslim rights concern group on thursday said it was "the other way round as the practice of homosexualism and lesbianism is most capable of instigating widespread hatred and turning society upside down."

the group praised jonathan for resisting pressures from western powers who've condemned the law and urged them to stop what it called meddling in nigerian internal affairs. they said, "most reprehensible is the attempt by foreign powers to intimidate and coerce nigeria into absorbing their despicable culture by threatening to withhold foreign aid."

ibrahim, a 28 year-old unemployed artisan in the city of bauchi, pleaded guilty to committing one act of sodomy seven years ago. he said he was misled into the act by the principle of the high school he was attending. he also said he hasn't committed a homosexual act since. judge nuhu mohammed said he'd spare ibrahim the sentence of death by stoning because the crime occurred so many years ago, and the young man had shown "great remorse."

the 20 lashes were administered in the public court. ibrahim was also ordered to pay a fine of 5,000 naira ($30). it wasn't immediately clear if he'd been able to pay and go free. ibrahim was among 12 men - 11 muslims and one christian - arrested by police since christmas for belonging to a gay club. dorothy aken'ova, a human rights activist whose organization is helping with lawyers, said police lured four of the men, and tortured them into providing a list of 168 wanted gay men.         

shariah commission chairman mustapha baba llela has denied any of those arrested were tortured.  additionally, the police, he told the associated press, were hunting for other members of a gay club, but would not say how many. 

the same sex marriage prohibition act jonathan signed into law january 7 brought widespread condemnation from abroad - including the united states, britain, canada, the european union and the united nations. the unaids agency says the law could criminalize people in programs to fight hiv/aids. the u.s. says it violates the rights of all nigerians to free speech and association. 

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Alex Rodriguez ruled ineligible by a federal arbitrator for the 2014 MLB season

new york yankees third baseman alex rodriguez has been ruled ineligible for the entire 2014 major league baseball season. he was originally given an unprecedented 211-game suspension for his involvement in the biogenesis scandal, but it was reduced on saturday by a federal arbitrator.

according to the ruling, by arbitrator fredric horowitz, rodriguez will also not be able to play in any postseason games, should the yankees qualify this year. the ruling brings to a close a months-long process in which rodriguez challenged major league baseball's initial suspension.

said rodriguez, "the number of games sadly comes as no surprise, as the deck has been stacked against me from day one. this is one man's decision, that was not put before a fair and impartial jury, does not involve me having failed a single drug test, is at odds with the facts and is inconsistent with the terms of the joint drug agreement and the basic agreement, and relies on testimony and documents that would never have been allowed in any court in the united states because they are false and wholly unreliable."

rodriguez vowed to contest the decision in federal court. he admitted to using performance-enhancing drugs while a member of the texas rangers from 2001-2003. but he says he's been clean as a member of the new york yankees. although he will not be paid for 2014, he's slated to earn $25 million in 2013 and $61 million total from 2015-17.

  

Friday, January 10, 2014

Amiri Baraka Makes Transition at 79

on thursday newark, new jersey lost a son, father, husband, uncle, friend and leader. the world lost a poet, activist, revolutionary, author, historian, professor, scholar, freedom fighter, pan-africanist, and critical thinker. baraka was, in his own words, describing james baldwin during his home going service at riverside church in harlem, 'god's black revolutionary mouth.'

baraka was one of the leading organizers of the black and puerto rican convention in newark in 1969. he supported the political careers of ken gibson, sharpe james and others. the convention - a grassroots effort to put folks in office - led to the election of newark's first black mayor, ken gibson.

newark's first latino mayor, louis quintana, said "we're going to remember him always for his contributions to newark, new jersey and america." baraka's political leadership empowered blacks and puerto ricans to organize collaboratively in order to achieve equal representation in newark city government.

baraka was a keynote speaker and organizer at the 1972 gary convention. the convention, a black political convention, was hosted by gary mayor richard hatcher, one of the first black mayors of a major city. the gary convention was considered controversial, by some, for many reasons.

the gary convention excluded whites. the convention worked deliberately to establish a national black political agenda. this agenda included community control of schools, national health insurance and proper political representation. it was a progressive political movement specifically designed to put black candidates in office, unlike the occupy movement, for example.    

baraka was a literary virtuoso. he was a poet, playwright, essayist and novelist. his acclaimed writings included blues people, dutchman, preface to a twenty volume suicide note, the system of dante's hell, the slave and somebody blew up america. baraka always challenged poets and artists to engage in political activism with their work.

baraka was a leader in the black arts movement, establishing the celebration of kwanzaa in newark. he was the architect of the black arts repertory theatre/school in harlem. he believed artists had to be engaged in the community, and he wanted art to "help with the liberation of black people."

still, his work also invited controversy and criticism. he distanced himself from some of his more provocative comments made about rev. dr. martin luther kin, jr., his anti-homosexual attitudes concerning gays, as well as his verbal assaults of whites, in general. admittedly, baraka caused harm, made amends, evolved politically and grew spiritually. 

in 2004, the 70 year-old baraka spoke at the malcolm x shabazz high school. the auditorium was filled with black art, black kids and black love. he eloquently read lines from "wise why's, y'z." he told them, " at the bottom of the atlantic ocean there's a railroad made of human bones - black ivory."

imamu amiri baraka made transition at the age of 79.

Wednesday, January 08, 2014

Father in New Zealand disowns anti-homosexual daughter by letter

a trusted friend recently forwarded me a letter from a father in new zealand to his daughter. in the letter, the father responds to his daughter, who disowned his grandson because he's gay. the letter was written october 2, 2013, and has gone viral. here is the letter in it's entirety:

"dear christine. i'm disappointed in you as a daughter. you're correct that we have a "shame in the family," but mistaken about what it is. kicking chad out of your home simply because he told you he was gay is the real "abomination" here. a parent disowning her child is what goes "against nature."

the only intelligent thing i heard you saying in all this was that "you didn't raise your son to be gay." of course you didn't. he was born this way and didn't choose it any more than he being left-handed. you however, have made a choice of being hurtful, narrow-minded and backward.        

so, while we are in the business of disowning our children, i think i'll take this moment to say goodbye to you. i now have a fabulous (as they gays put it) grandson to raise, and i don't have time for heart-less b word of a daughter. if you find your heart, give us a call." - dad.

Sunday, January 05, 2014

Overweight and Overhelmed: A Perspective

the last time I went to visit my primary care physician I was struggling with anxiety, insecurity and self-pity. when the nurse asked me to step on the scale and weigh myself I wanted to run home and eat some buffalo wings and french fries. why? because I knew I'd gained weight during the holidays and didn't want to face the reality of my growing stomach...

physically, i felt bloated. emotionally, i was disappointed with myself for lacking discipline and over indulging in foods i'd worked hard to steadfastly remove from my regular diet. spiritually, i'd lost the motivation to engage god with my ongoing dilemma, as it relates to my sense of undesirability.

even though i don't celebrate holidays, i attended a spiritual gathering in brooklyn. the first thing i noticed were two long tables of food: chicken, turkey, lasagna, ziti, macaroni and cheese, collard greens, spinach, mixed vegetables, cranberry sauce, salad and candied yams. the assortment of cakes, cookies and pies helped me empathize with the winner of the biggest loser.   

my mind and my body were now in spiritual warfare. i have a weight problem: i can't wait to eat. i tried to embody james dean, but i was in deep shit. my relationship with food is co-dependent - like me and mrs. jones, we got a thing going on, and we both know that its wrong, but its much too strong, to let it go now. 

i proceeded to eat like there was no tomorrow. i rationalized my extra full plate because i was told people were still bringing in dishes and there would be more than enough to go around. i was also encouraged to take a plate home, which i did. its hard for me to say no to free food. it was on and popping.

damn. i quickly reverted back to my old ways. i was ordering fried foods on the down-low. i was buying ice cream, on sale, and devouring it at three o'clock in the morning. i was drinking soda, again. the compulsion was driving my sanity away. i would look in the mirror and pretend someone else was there. i stopped going to the gym and blamed my apathy on the weather. damn... 

before I got on the scale, i asked the nurse to keep in mind the brand new timberlands i sported would add three to five pounds to my weight. she was pleasant, yet seemed more concerned with doing her job and not getting involved with my bulging waistline - and need to be right.

the scale read 202 pounds. omg. i wanted a second opinion, but realized i was being weighed, not prepped for surgery. last summer, when i peaked at 207, my doctor told me to lose 15 pounds, and I did. my weight tends to fluctuate 10-15 pounds every few months or so. and, it's easier to take it off than keep it off.

i began to reminisce how i felt when my doctor, obviously stunned, looked into her computer screen, and realized the 15 pounds she asked me to lose was my latest accomplishment. she proudly gave me a high five and praised me for healthy living. i want that feeling back. or, as nene on the real housewives of atlanta says, "i want my happy back." 

this week, i decided to re-commit myself to healthy living. for the next five days, i will only eat one salad. i bought mixed nuts to snack on. but let me confess my obsession with chocolate. almost every night i eat a large cadbury roast almond with milk chocolate bar. this will continue during my five day rehab. ideally, chocolate with 60% cacao is healthier, but fuck it, i want what i want when i want it.

and in that order :-)

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Macy's faces another discrimination lawsuit

in a discrimination lawsuit filed on friday, an african-american shopper said macy's security personnel stopped him after he bought a $2,400 louis vuitton bag and an alarm went off as he tried to exit the store.

club promoter halim sharif said he was detained, and his bag was searched. yet a half-dozen white customers left the store - at the same time - without being detained or searched. sharif said those very same customers also set off alarms at the macy's flagship store's west 34th street exit.

the incident happened april 19, 2013. sharif said he was the only person stopped. he said he has cellphone audio and video to prove his claim. he told the new york times, "it was as clear as black and white. there was no gray area. i saw people exit before me and after me, and none of them looked like me. they lacked pigmentation."

the 37 year-old promoter, who indicated he's suing macy's for unspecified damages, said he decided to speak up after reading accounts of four alleged instances of racial profiling at macy's, and another retailer: privately owned barney's new york. 

brooklyn resident kayla phillips, who alleged she was racially profiled at barney's in february, also filed a discrimination lawsuit on friday in brooklyn supreme court, according to the daily news. macy's, through a representative, said the company was looking into sharif's allegation, but would have no comment due to pending litigation.

according to the representative, "macy's has a zero tolerance for discrimination of any kind. if macy's policies have not been upheld, we will take swift and immediate action." both stores named in the lawsuits said new york city police department officers were the culprits in earlier incidents targeting black shoppers, including phillips, rob brown, trayon christian and art palmer. the nypd said its officers were merely acting on information provided by store employees.

macy's joined several retailers whom signed a customer 'bill of rights' earlier this month. civil rights leaders, including rev. al sharpton, met with retailer representatives to draft the document, which is to be posted on participating department store websites. other signatories include barney's new york, macy's-owned bloomingdale's, and hudson's bay company subsidiaries lord & taylor, and saks fifth avenue.     



  

 

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

NYC Mayor-elect De Blasio's daughter reveals substance use issues

chiara de blasio, daughter of new york city mayor-elect bill de blasio, released a five-minute video detailing her struggles with anxiety, depression, alcohol and marijuana. the free-spirited 19 year-old spoke openly about her personal struggles with courage, grace and humility.

a college sophomore who played a central role in her father's successful campaign, chiara de blasio was candid about her painful past. she said, "it made it easier, the more i drank and did drugs, to share some common ground with people. it didn't start out as, like, a huge thing for me, but then it became a really huge thing from me."

de blasio said she thought she could leave the problem behind when she went to college in california, only to realize her "physical insecurity" got worse. she said, "my mom was trying really hard to help me and my dad was really busy. they were both very emotionally committed to trying to find out some way to get me better."

she said she eventually found success in group therapy at a treatment center in new york. de blasio said, "removing substances from my life opened so many doors for me. i was actually able to participate in my dad's campaign. getting sober is always a positive thing, and by no means is it easy - it's the hardest thing i've ever done - but it's so worth it." 

in a statement accompanying the video, bill de blasio and his wife, chirlane mccray, said they were "so proud of chiara and love her deeply." they said, "as parents, our instinct has been to protect our daughter and privately help her through a deeply personal struggle. but not only has chiara committed to own her health, she is also committed to helping young people everywhere who face similar challenges."

the campaign did not say what prompted it to release the video on christmas eve, a day when many news consumers are more concerned with family, money, shopping or traveling - instead of current events. but the announcement was framed in a way to help other families who struggle with depression and substance use during the holiday season.

during the campaign, de blasio spoke about his father's battle with substance use, particularly alcohol. his father later committed suicide. white house drug policy director gil kerlikowske released a statement late tuesday praising chiara de blasio's decision "to give voice to the millions who suffer from substance abuse disorders."  
       

Friday, December 20, 2013

President Obama Commutes Eight 'Unduly Harsh' Drug Sentences

president obama on thursday commuted the sentences of eight federal inmates throughout the united states. all eight were convicted of non-violent crimes involving crack cocaine. each inmate spent more than 15 years in prison.

at the time of the convictions, mandatory sentencing laws required severe punishment for drug offenders who possessed, sold or used crack cocaine. however, the sentencing guidelines for drug offenses involving powder cocaine were far less oppressive.

in 2010, obama signed the fair sentencing act, which lessened the punishment for crimes involving crack cocaine. the new guidelines made sentencing similar for both forms of the drug. after the laws changed, numerous inmates remained incarcerated with long sentences for their previous crimes.

as reported by cnn, obama commuted the eight drug offenders' sentences as they were "unduly harsh and issued outdated sentencing regime." obama also said releasing the inmates is "an important step toward restoring fundamental ideals of justice and fairness."

a bi-partisan bill introduced by senators richard j. durbin and mike lee allows for the release of inmates sentenced before the fair sentencing act was signed. if the bill passes, the law would provide inmates with an opportunity to have their cases reviewed for early release. 

the new york times reports families against mandatory minimums estimates nearly nine million inmates will qualify for early review if the bill gets legalized. under current law, the inmates would have been released years ago, saving the taxpayers thousands of dollars. the president's actions foster an urgency to relax sentencing guidelines filling u.s. prisons with non-violent offenders.    

the bureau of prisons was given 120 days to release the six men and two women. one inmate was sentenced to 20 years, another was sentenced to 24 years. four were sentenced to life, one was sentenced to life at age 17 and another was sentenced to three life terms at age 22. obama's bold and compassion decision gives each inmate an opportunity to reunite with their families and become productive members of society.     

Friday, December 06, 2013

TransAfrica Mourns Nelson Mandela

the entire transafrica family is saddened by the loss of nelson rolihlahla mandela on thursday. we wish to take this opportunity to express our sincere condolences to the people of south africa and the mandela family. the african world has lost an unparalleled leader and hero. mandela inspired people in every corner of the globe, and that is why the loss of this great man echoes around the world.  

nelson mandela, the nobel peace prize laureate and first president of a multi-racial democratic south africa, persevered and inspired others in the pursuit of truth and justice until his final days. whether it was leading the struggle against apartheid regime, championing the cause of people with hiv/aids, or challenging the great powers of the globe to build a better world: mandela continuously gave us strength to speak truth to power.

nicole lee, president of transafrica said, "we will continue to carry on mandela's legacy of courageous activism. even when unjustly imprisoned on robben island by the apartheid government, he and his fellow activists in the liberation movement inspired us all with their vision of a free, just and democratic south Africa. no obstacle was too great for nelson mandela in his quest for a brighter tomorrow. as we work to change powerful systems that perpetuate economic and social injustice, we are reminded of madiba's courage."

danny glover, actor, activist and chair of transafrica's board of directors said, "today, i join with the people of south africa and many millions around the world in mourning the loss of nelson rolihlahla mandela. let not sadness overcome us, let us rejoice in his life-long sacrifice for freedom, and retain his living memory as we remain forever vigilant in sustaining freedom, democracy and human dignity. madiba treated me like a son and i am forever grateful for his personal guidance and wisdom."

to mandela, attaining a free and just south africa did not mean taking over power and forgetting the poor and disenfranchised. both during his time in office and out, mandela worked tirelessly to resolve conflicts within the  african continent. throughout his life, mandela embodied the sentiment "another world is possible," and this was most eloquently illustrated with his statement at the rivonia trial in april, 1964: 

"during my lifetime i have dedicated myself to this struggle of the african people. i have fought against white domination, and i have fought against black domination. i have cherished the idea of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. it is an ideal which i hope to live for and to achieve. but if it needs be, it is an ideal for which i am prepared to die."

even in his final days mandela challenges us. he said, "if we are to stop the aids epidemic from expanding we need to break the cycle of new hiv infections. all of us working together with government, communities and civil society can make the difference that is needed. together we have the power to change the course of destiny."

Friday, November 29, 2013

Derrick Rose out for the season

chicago bulls point guard derrick rose will miss the rest of the 2013-14 nba season after undergoing knee surgery monday. the 2010-11 most valuable player had the medial meniscus repaired in his right knee at rush university medical center in chicago. the surgery was successfully performed by dr. brian cole, who performed the acl surgery on rose's left knee in may 2012.

the disappointment in the bulls' locker room has been evident since rose injured his right knee in the third quarter of a game (they ultimately lost) with the portland trailblazers last friday. but bulls coach tom thibodeau, who won coach of the year in 2011, has tried to help his players focus on the present challenges and not their past circumstances.

thibodeau said, "'i texted him. the surgery was a success. so he obviously has to focus in on the rehab. and our team, we have to lock into our improvement and getting wins. the big thing for him, is he just has to focus in on his rehab. the fact that he's already done it once, he has great mental toughness, he'll be fine. this will be another bump in the road, he'll get past it. we expect him to make a full recovery." 

rose's teammates and former coaches were understandably sad. forward mike dunleavy, acquired this year from the indiana pacers said, "my reaction was gosh, i hope it's not anything related to the surgically repaired knee. he's going to miss the whole season so ultimately you just feel for him. he's such a great guy, great teammate and you're disappointed for him."

robert smith, who was rose's coach at simeon career academy in the windy city, said the high school held a moment of silence on monday to pray for rose's recovery. smith said, "watching him the last couple games, seeing him start to turn the corner and have another freak injury like that, that's hard. but derrick is strong. he'll get back in there and get his body right to be able to get back there and play."

kentucky's john calipari, who coached rose his freshman year (rose entered the draft after one season) at memphis tweeted on monday: "if there's anyone who can bounce back from this, it's drose. my message to derrick would be to stay strong and stay focused. love you, kid."   

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Djokovic beats Nadal to win ATP Finals

world #2 novak djokovic of serbia defeated world #1 rafael nadal of spain 6-3, 6-4 on monday to win the barclays atp world tour finals in london. djokovic successfully defended his title by capping off the year with his 22nd consecutive victory. his run started after nadal beat him in the us open final and replaced him atop the rankings.

afterwards, djokovic said, "the most positive thing that i can take from those two and a half months is the fact that i managed to regroup after few big losses against nadal, especially in roland garros, us open final and wimbledon final." djokovic became the seventh player to win the season-ending tournament of the world's elite eight three times.

djokovic has beaten nadal 10 out of 19 finals and is 13-7 against him on hard courts. djokovic said, "year-end number one is deservedly in nadal's hands because he had two grand slam wins, the best season out of all players, the most titles. i think that's no doubt, cannot question that. i tried to put aside the calculations and the rankings after the us open and just tried to focus on one tournament at a time, one day at a time. that kind of attitude has helped me to get to where i am this moment."

the affable serb is poised to reclaim his #1 ranking at the first major in 2014. djokovic is the three-tine defending champion at the australian open. he served well, returned well and volleyed well to a resounding win in straight sets - the only tournament missing from nadal's resume. the two have played each other 39 times: more than any male players in the open era, with nadal leading 22-17.  

nadal had an opportunity to join andre agassi as the only players to have won all four majors, olympic gold, the davis cup and the year-end tournament. nadal said, "it's not going to change my career, winning or losing today. i am not very disappointed. i know that i was not the favorite for the match, even if i tried with the right attitude, in my opinion, fighting for every moment, trying to be positive in every moment, even if the match was not going the way that i would like."

the popular spaniard's return to the #1 ranking came on the heels of a stunning comeback from a career-threatening knee injury - sidelining him for seven months. nadal played his first match in february and finished 2013 with a 75-7 record. the charismatic lefty won ten titles, including the french open, the us open and five masters 1000 titles. 

Thursday, November 07, 2013

ENDA Passes Senate 64-32

the u.s. senate voted today, 64 to 32, to pass the employment non-discrimination act (enda) for the first time in the legislation's two-decade history. all senate democrats joined ten senate republicans to approve the landmark bill aimed towards empowering the lgbt community.

human rights president chad griffin said, "today, a strong bipartisan majority of the united states senate made history by standing up for a fundamental american truth. each and every american worker should be judged based on the work they do, and never based on who they are. this broad senate coalition has sent a vital message that civil rights legislation should never be tied up partisan political games."  

griffin further stated, "we firmly believe if the house of representatives were freed by speaker john boehner to vote its conscience, this bill could pass immediately. it's unconscionable that any one person would stand in the way of this crucial piece of the civil rights puzzle." 

house speaker john boehner, a republican, suggested earlier this week he won't bring enda to the floor for an up-or-down vote. but his views have drawn public criticism - within the gop. charlie dent (r-pa) said, "i believe the speaker should allow a vote on this bill...i believe the american public wants to make sure people are not discriminated against."

dent also stated, "with today's vote in the senate, majority leader reid, chairman harkin, lead sponsors (senators) merkley and kirk, and senators collins and baldwin have shown us all what leadership looks like. now, speaker boehner should take up the mantle of leadership and allow the house to join them."

president obama has indicated his willing to sign a long-pending executive order protecting the employees of federal contractors from discrimination on the basis of gender identity and sexual orientation. the human rights campaign says obama, by signing the order, can extend labor security to over 16 million American workers.

said griffin, "we urge the house of representatives to pass enda immediately, and we call on president obama to send a clear message in support of workplace fairness by signing this order."