An Ode To Dana Rose

Last week I received word from a former co-worker about the recent transition of Rev. Dana Rose. Rev. Rose, or 'miss Dana' if you're nasty, was one of the most compassionate hue-man beings I've ever known. He was Black, male & homosexual, giving service wth a smile (sometimes shade) wherever he went. I'd see him periodically walking alone in various parts of NYC & woud stop to chat for a moment. I hadn't talked to him in years, but was aware he was suffering from diabetes, as he was losing sight in one of his eyes. I understand some members of ADODI & GMAD are planning a homecoming for him, one I intend to be present to.

I met Dana at a bereavement group in the fall of '96. He served as facilitator, though worked in many counseling capacities at the, then, Lesbian & Gay Center on West 13th Street in the village. The name has been changed to access bisexuals & transgenders, as well as engendering power to women, thus the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Services Center. But I digress.

On April 12, 1996, my longtime partrner of nearly 18 years, Bernard Brown, died of the disease of addiction in Chicago, my hometown. I was much too distraught to attend the funeral. In fact, I was rather numb for months. My therapist suggested I seek group counseling to heal. When it comes to dealing with pain, apathy & denial are part of my history. I finally decided to go because the pain of not going was uncomfortable.

Initially there were 15 folks in the eight-week group. After a few weeks, as usually is the case with support groups of any kind, the number dwindled down to a core group of eight or nine. Folks were grieving the loss of their parents, friends & animals. We bonded quickly, primarily because of Dana, whose love, respect & sensitivity centered us. He utilized spiritual principles in a non-traditional setting, as well as art, dance, gospel music & poetry. Dana affirmed our loss when we shared our pain, imparting wisdom I've never forgotten, "healing can only take place in community, it can never take place in isolation."

The universe is a better place because of the spirit of Rev. Dana Rose.

Rev. Rose is a beloved member of ADODI, a group celebrating 20 years (this summer) of serving African descended men who experience same sex desire. He's worked with various community-based & nonprofit organizations in NYC, NJ, Philadelphia & Washington, DC such as CHOICES, GMAD, Harlem United, POCC, SAGE & Us Helping Us. Rev. Rose was everywhere anyone needed him. His humility, integrity & kindness are rare qualities in a society obsessed with looking good than feeling good. I am a better hue-man being as a result of our evolving relationship, one that transcended the profession to the person.

When he walked into the room, we would just look at each other & crack up. Dana has that old school soul, but every now & then he'd cut up on somebody in a light, non-malicious way. I remember working at the old GMAD office on West 14th Street during a Friday Night Forum, when he whispered into my ear after someone came in late, "who that bitch think she he is?" I knew he intended no harm, but my stomach was in knots because it was a line you'd usually hear from an aunt or grandmother. He'd make me laugh & not feel guilty about it. I loved that about him.

Dana embraced his masculine & feminine energy in a non-pretentious, refreshing way. He wasn't bound by racist, Western social constructs as many folks are today. He was a Yoruba priest, immersed in West African customs & traditions. He became the first openly gay - a term I don't like - Archdiocese of New Jersey at a church whose name I don't recall because I got CRS (can't remember shit, that's my story & I'm sticking to it, ok?). But he was not one to impose his will on others. He was comfortable in his/her skin, though some makeup would've truly sufficed, chile.

I loved me some Dana Rose. He affirmed my sexuality, inspired my creativity & nurtured my inner child, especially when the little boy would start acting out. Dana would say, "don't start none, won't be none." Whenever I'd get short with him, he'd go Jill Scott on me, pretending to take off his earrings, put down his purse & pour on the vaseline - as only a Black woman from the 'hood would do. We would start swinging in the air at each other, channeling the little girls inside of us & folks would be like, what is wrong with these two? But that's how free he made me feel. Free to be all of me, not my representative.

Deepak Chopra once said, "healing is the natural tendency to restore balance when it is lost." Though I recently turned 46 years old, I'm still healing old wounds. I'm eternally grateful to the God of my understanding for placing miss Dana in my path. We were, indeed, kindred spirits. We understood each other. He had the courage to care. I respect him for caring. His heart was illuminating. His intelligence was stimulating. His trust was breathtaking. The energy of Rev. Dana Rose is divinely inspired. He was fierce!

Is There Intimacy On The Internet?

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Miami Heat Wins 2006 NBA Finals

In what was arguably the most competitive & exciting NBA Finals series since the Boston-LA era of the 80's, the Miami Heat emerged victorious over the Dallas Mavericks in game six, 95-92, to win their first, ever championship. Ironically, the Mavericks, led by Coach of the Year, Avery Johnson, had never lost four games in a row this year. Coach Pat Riley, the team's general manager who took over from Stan Van Gundy early in the season, said it best after the team's momentous triumph, "it was our time."

The MVP of the NBA Finals was Heat guard Dwayne Wade, who emerged as a bonafide superstar. Wade averaged over 34 points during the series, third best among players in their first NBA final, behind Rick Barry & Allen Iverson, but ahead of hall of famers Michael Jordan & Jerry West. In his usual humble manner, upon receiving the trophy, he dedicated it to his coaches, teammates & family. Wade, in just his third year with the Heat, was encouraged by another young superstar, LeBron James, after Dallas won the first two games in Dallas rather convincingly. What advice did King James impart? He simply said, "be aggressive, drive to the basket, get to the line & play your game."

Heat center Shaquille O'Neal, who came to Miami in a trade involving several players, was the first to pull the 24 year-old Chi-town native, take him under his wing & set the stage for what has become a changing of the guard between a seasoned veteran & mature youngster. O'Neal has three rings from his three-peat success in LA. He told Wade he expected nothing less than another championship ring or two from the tandem. When O'Neal was not in foul trouble, he was effective. But it was their supporting cast & bench who carried them through adversity.

Starters Udonis Haslem, Antoine Walker & Jayson Williams were steady throughout the series. Alonzo Mourning, Gary Payton & James Posey were magnificent off the bench, particularly in the final game, when they rallied from 13 down in the second quarter to take a 49-48 lead into the locker room at halftime in a hostile Dallas environment. In the late 80's, the bad boys of Detroit taught us defense wins championhips. Zoe finished with five blocks & six rebounds, Posey's defense of MVP candidate Dirk Nowitzki was outstanding & Payton matched the Dallas guards' intensity when he was on the court.

Riley, affectionately known by his players as 'Riles' spoke highly of "the 15 strong on this team." In fact, in a move which paralelled his '88 title defense as LA head coach, on June 8 he told his team they'd be victorious on June 20: the date they clinched the title. No one expected Miami to get past 2004 NBA Champions & last year's finalist Detroit Pistons in the Eastern Conference series. But as Houston Rockets coach Rudy Tomjanovich poignantly remarked after his team - defeating a, then, young Shaq's Orlando Magic squad - repeated in 1995, "never underestimate the heart of a champion."

I enjoyed every game of the finals series. Dallas, severely hampered in game five due to a controversial suspension of Jerry Stackhouse when he gave a hard foul to Shaq in game four, played the opening quarter of game six the way they did the first two games. They passed efficiently, ran when they had an edge, spaced the floor & tore the roof off with their blistering shooting pace. Nowitzki & Terry were big in the first quarter, hitting from all parts of the court, giving Miami little time to set up their excellent team defensive strategies.

As Payton, Posey & Zoe entered the game in the second quarter, those easy shots became harder to fall because the Mavericks' players were looking at fresh feet, long arms & outsretched hands. One of the themes of the series was the many times both teams would go on runs of ten, or twelve unanswered points, only to have a time out stop their flow. Both coaches made adjustments as the game resembled a chess match of athletic ability & tenacious teamwork. In the end, it was the resillience of the Heat, whose uncanny combination of fiery youngsters & mature veterans hit clutch free throws, forced turnovers & induced Nowitzki to a woeful fourth quarter shooting percentage.

Summer Fast and Spiritual Fuel

The time has come for my summer fast, a ritual I began about eight years ago. Though I didn't know what to expect or how I would do it, I believed I could be successful, provided I became willing to make certain sacrifices. As a native Chi-town brotha raised on grease, sugar, pork & chocolate, the idea of going without certain foods for an extended peiord of time initially created anxiety & worry. Still, I was determined to enhance the quality of my emotional, physical & spiritual well-being by simply trying something different.

I remember the first time I tried to fast. My, then, therapist, a spiritual heterosexual woman I respected immensely, suggested fasting for three days. I took her suggestion & proceeded to drink only water, apple juice, orange juice, tomato juice, vegetable juice & lemonade. I ate no solid foods at all, but I snacked on apples, bananas, oranghes & raisins. I experienced headaches, disorientation, fatigue & nausea. After the third day was complete, in a mad rush to reward myself, I went straight to Popeye's Chicken & ordered some chicken, fries & biscuits.

What the hell was I thinking? I immediately threw up the food & had diarrhea. I was in the bathroom, on the floor, calling Ralph, again. Not a pretty picture. Clearly, this was not part of the plan, but I've always been a self-motivated, prideful brotha given to extremes. Looking back, I can only laugh at my mistakes, but I've since learned to do quality research, talk to experienced folks & get help for my personal dietary concerns, goals & needs.

One particular summer I was shopping in my favorite market on 110th & Broadway - which has moved to the upper west side - for cantaloupe. Spirit instructed me to ask the woman in front of me for some guidance. Seems she was also fasting. God is everywhere! She talked to me about preparing for the fast at least one to two weeks in advance, as well as breaking the fast slowly, ideally with salads & steamed vegetables. This patient & pleasant woman was definitely an angel.

As I learned to strive for progress, not perfection, I began to fast for three days, seven days, ten days & even (just once) 14 days. It was suggested not to tak about the fast (with everyone I know), but did I take heed? No. I have a magnanimous ego & wanted everybody to know what I was doing. Sometimes my image is more important than my integrity. Fasting is essentially about caring, discipline, humility, love & self-respect. My body is a temple. I have the personal responsibility of treating my body with compassion.

But how often should I fast? What time of the year would be prudent? What are the real, tangible benefits of fasting? I talked with a friend who says she fasts four times a year. I'm competitive & felt compelled to do what she was doing. However, in order to keep things simple, I ultimately decided to fast twice a year, once in the summer & the other time during the Kwanzaa season, which affirms me culturally.

This summer was no exception - today is day five - but I've developed a nasty cough & sore throat along the way. I went to the health food store in my neighborhood & consulted the clerk, a young Mexican guy, who has been useful to me before. I told him I was snacking (don't ask why) on organic popcorn & he suggested my cough could be traced to the oil in the popcorn. He said I probably have something stuck in my throat, which I experienced with much discomfort yesterday afternoon (!). God is awesome. I bought some organic cough syrup, along with organic cough drops, in addition to a bag of dates, which I've never tried, but he told me about a customer who successfully fasts for ten days on juice & dates.

When I get sick, I'm not a pleasant person. I tend to be irritable, rebellious & sarcastic. Also, I hate the sound of the phone ringing because I resent people who insist on trying to engage me in conversation, or go on & on with their psycho-drama, after I tell them I'm not feeling well. Why do people do that? My mother rasied me to be kind, polite & courteous, so I also tend to let people go on a bit. I've learned to look the world in the eye with neither aggressiveness nor fear. I can still get my spiritual needs met, no matter how I'm feeling or what is going in my life.

I was concerned about eating chicken noodle soup in the middle of my fast, worried I'd throw up again like I did with the Popeye's Chicken many years ago. The attentive young clerk suggested not to eat the soup. Spirit said, get a second opinion. And I did. I called the nurse at my hospital & she said it was ok. I felt relief simply by asking for help. She also suggested drinking some broth, which I already have. I know God is with me while I'm challenged at this moment. I will persevere.

Dance With My Surgeon

I awakened to good spirits amidst a beautiful sun on Saturday, April 15. Though not a New York Mets fan, I had two free tickets to their afternoon game against the Milwaukee Brewers. It was early, around 10:30 or so in the morning, as I dressed to get ready for the game. While putting on my black & white addidas shoes, I felt an excrutiatingly familiar pain underneath my right knee. No matter how hard I tried, I was unable to straighten out my leg & feared being immobilized - again.

Five years ago the same injury occurred.

When the doorbell rang, I was too embarrassed to hop to the door in order to open it. I suspected it was Greg, the young man I've been mentoring for four years, because I was taking him to the Mets game & asked him to come by at 11:00 am. Still, I didn't want him to see me in pain. Sometimes my image is more important than my integrity. I don't like being vulnerable.

Damn, I thought, I won't be able to take Greg to the game & he'll be disappointed in me: I'm going to let another person down in my life. I felt guilty. useless. As is the case whenever I'm stressed out, I began to worry. I was worried about my part-time job at BMX-NY, the CLIK Magazine publisher who I have to call & subsequently cancel the lead story (my first such writing opportunity) I was working on, the people I asked to do an H&I presentation with on Monday evening on behalf of Narcotics Anonymous, my NA home group which I chair every Wednesday night, my parents, my friends...all this energy flooded my consciousness before I got to the door. I struggled with the fear of the unknown.

Greg was obviously surprised by the look on my face as I opened the door & asked him to dial 911. He obliged as I struggled back to my living room futon to rest my painful leg. They arrived about 20 minutes later, one Black male, one white male, both willing to help me through this ordeal. Unlike many folks in America, I thank God I have adequate health insurance to cover the cost of my ER visit. I was placed in a wheelchair & taken to St. Luke's Hospital on 113th Street east of Amsterdam Avenue. It was difficult for me to accommodate the X-Ray technician, but I did the best I could.

Fortunately, no broken bones were discovered. Through grace, neither was my spirit. I was encouraged to come back for an MRI, given a prescription for Moltrin, two uncomfortable crutches & an orthopedist appointment. I just wanted to go home & lay down. I dreaded all the responsible phone calls & e-mails I needed to make, yet I've learned, as I've gotten older, the world revolves around the sun, not me. In situations like this, what often helps me is a combination of faith & perspective. I continued to pray for God's will as the day wore on, trusting He would see me through, as always.

I've been wanting to write about this ongoing experience for days, but, among other things, I struggle with moderate depression. As such, my energy level & motivation has shifted. Of course, not getting paid at my job or six weeks doesn't help either, but that's another column. When this occurred five years ago, I lacked medical insurance, primarily because I was unwilling to pay the premiums offered by my, then, employer's carrier; also, as the descendant of enslaved Africans, I want reparations. I have a sense of entitlement & feel Medicaid, which was inactive, should pick up the cost, by any means necessary.

Being homebound is no picnic. Every day seemed to drag into the next. I felt miserable & was ashamed to be honest about it with myself, or the many friends who lovingly offered their care & concern each day. I am irritable when dealing with illness. I become aloof, indifferent & sarcastic. I tend to isolate. I don't want to be bothered at all. by nobody. in fact, the sound of the telephone becomes cathedral-like. I'm reminded of the Sammy Davis, Jr. play, "Stop The World I Want To Get Off." Seems I've never outgrown the self-centerdness of the child...

Last Thursday afternoon I returned to St. Luke's Hospital for an MRI. I could've gotten it done the same day as my Tuesday morning orthopedist appointment, but I had to remove my eyebar, which I didn't want to do, because I'm rebellious. What? That's my story & I'm sticking to it, ok? Okay. I tried to take it off with my fingers which didn't work. I tried to cut it off with a pair of scissors which hurt me even more. I was prepared to hop to the tattoo joint on 125th Street near the Apollo Theater, instead, I called my hip lesbian friend Gloria - who has more piercings than Dennis Rodman - asking for the help I knew she could give me. She suggested putting on some rubber gloves to twist the cap off, which worked for me right away. Why didn't I think of that? Whatever.

I had the foresight to ask one of my sponsees to accompany me to the hospital. James was amicable the whole time. I appreciated his willingess to "be there for me." We waited around 30 minutes or so. I was impatient & tense. You hear so many different stories about what does or does not happen. When they called my name, I said the serenity prayer. As I entered the MRI room, heard the various noises & looked at the ominous machine, I began to feel like a visitor to Lost In Space: "danger Will Robinson, danger Will Robinson." Yeah, I watch too much damn tv. been damaged. programmed. traumatized.

I was greeted by a friendly, handsome Latino brotha who smiled brightly at me & assured me everything was going to be alright. Of course, I thought he wanted me, but I think every man does. I got issues, ok? Okay. Anyway, I noticed this thin, rather slinky-looking conveyor belt. I was expected to climb aboard & strap in like a mummy. Oh, hell no! Shaneequa was ready to come out & go ghetto. for real though. But I'm much too spiritual for that these days, so I laid on my back - a familiar position - closed my eyes & prayed to God for His guidance & direction.

The machine moved slower than the local 1 train. I was too afraid to open my eyes, yet being the curious Leo I am, I did & observed most of my body inside the machine & my head outside. I felt trapped, not like R. Kelly, but more like an MTV reality show contestant, if you know what I mean. You don't? Too bad, ok? Okay. A couple of folks, as well as the annoying Black female receptionist (she was popping that gum like it was an instrument) told me the procedure would take 30 minutes or so. Undaunted, I asked papi who said, "no more than 20 minutes, maybe 15, if all goes well."

What did he mean if all goes well?

Anyway, the whole thing took about ten minutes. I was uncomfortable, yet felt eerily safe. Prayer does that for you; well, for me it does. This afternoon I went back for the results & was told I have a miniscus tear, as the orthopedist suggested. I was encouraged to get arthroscopic surgery, which I'm open to. The doctor told me the procedure is painless & takes less than 45 minutes to complete. He said I'd be in & out of the hospital the same day, but I need medical clearance from my primary care physician first. Perhaps all that time spent watching endless episodes of ER will serve me?

What a relief to know what really is happening to me! I'm addicted to certainty. The feeling of uncertainty is not pleasant. To my surprise & delight, I'm not afraid. I've never been hospitalized, or operated on - a source of pride - in my almost 46 years of existence on the planet. My faith in God is stronger than ever before. I have friends who care for me. Though its difficult for me to get around, I'm making swift & steady progress. I'm unable to run for a bus or from my emotions. Instead, I'm going to dance with a surgeon & its all good. You see, the ancestors have taught me well: I will heal, prosper & survive. Ache.

Affirming James

March 10 was the earth day of my younger brother, James. Hard to believe it, though I know we're just two years apart, but he's 43 years old now. Over the past decade, I've made a commitment to recognizing family members' earth days by calling them & communicating with them. Of course, I get frustrated with myself when I forget one person & end up not calling anybody for the whole year. OK. I got issues. And?

I used to be mad at James because he didn't call me. Every time we ended our periodic conversation I'd say, "don't be a stranger." He'd mumble something about making a better effort to call me. Months would go by & no phone call. I felt hurt, neglected, unimportant. Perhaps my expectations are not realistic, given he has a wife & three sons. But I love my younger brother & miss his presence. I haven't seen him since Clinton was in office.

Anyway, since I'm purposely making this a short entry, we had a wonderful conversation. Maybe I'll get a cance to see him before he goes off to South Korea in December. Money is a barrier for me. I invited him to NYC many times,alas, to no avail. I trust we will reunite, as it were, sooner than later. I've always looked to my brother for strength & guidance. His emotional stability is attractive, inspiring & valued.

Dave Chapelle on OPRAH: Stress, Success and a Much Needed Rest

An episode of last week's OPRAH was particularly intriguing. Comedian Dave Chappelle - amidst media controversy & speculative rumors suggesting he was smoking crack and/or in a mental institution - sat down w/ Winfrey to set the record straight. This was the first television interview since his self-imposed sabbatical from his award-winning comedy show on the Comedy Network cable channel.

Towards the end of his second season, he was offered a record $50 million contract. But when was the last time a Black male comedian was given THAT kind of money w/ out puppet strings? Malcolm X once suggested a Black man who is not paranoid needs to think again about life in America. As Chappelle aptly noted, "when people give you a lot of money they have a vested interest in controlling you."

Three years ago the Comedy Network toiled in obscurity. Along came a bright, funny, political Black male comic, in the tradition of Dick Gregory, Richard Pryor & Chris Rock, who ultimatelty revived the network in its very first season. The "Chappelle Show," quickly became an underground success. His brash, unapologetic take on class, race & sexuality was embraced across the cultural divide. The ratings for the "Chappelle Show," reached number one amongst all programming on that cable channel.

Chappelle, much like Arsenio Hall, embraced the best of hip hop culture every week. He prominently featured Black affirming artists including Erykah Badu, Common, Mos Def, Snoop Dogg, Talib Kweli, MC Lyte, Outkast, The Roots, Slum Village & Kanye West. Often, when artists would perform on the stage, Chappelle could be seen in the background bopping his head to the funky beats. He offered a sense of community, consciousness & culture that was refreshing.

After the success of the show's first season, a DVD was immediatley released, though producers couldn't have anticipated the type of public support it received. The "Chappelle Show," sold more DVD's than any other show in the history of television, including over one million copies in just eight days! Yeah, I copped the bootleg...but don't hate, appreciate. The network responded with a fat contract which had Chappelle fighting for his sanity & integrity in an industry where the white, power structure expects you to flip like a pancake because you're a Black man geting paid.

The slim, well dressed comedian was visibly uncomfortable on the show. Chappelle constantly adjusted his seat, moving around & speaking methodically about his current plight. Oprah was fair, firm & focused in her questioning. She listened intently as Chappelle painfully struggled w/ sharing the complex nature of his internal war. At one point, Chappelle said he didn't "want the Black community to be disappointed in him," leading Oprah to astutely interject, "you mean, you don't want to be disappointed in yourself." Chappelle remarked, "you're right, Oprah."

Chappelle talked about how a "few of his sketches were funny, but socially irresponsible." His sensitivity was both appreciated & noted by Oprah several times, as she affirmed his emotional turmoil. When she asked him did he lose his mind, he said, "no, I went crazy, not in a bad way, but I was incredibly stressed out...I needed a break, so I went to Africa & didn't tell anyone until I got there."

What I found fascinating was Chappelle's insight into the demonization of the Black male. He understood how white supremacy opportunistically infects the media, instilling fear, greed & mistrust around the very people he needed to produce his brilliant show. Chappelle conceded his show was "difficult to do...there's a lot of work that goes into the show...they wanted to change some things & they were wrong 100 percent of the time."

As for the vicious rumors, Chappelle quickly squashed the drug scandal, saying he "wasn't on drugs & hasn't been for years." He was publicly open about his heavy marijuana use. The primarily white, female audience howled when, after Oprah questiond his mental state, he said, "who leaves America to go to Africa for medical attention?" Finally, when asked if he'd come back, he said he wanted total creative control, a healthy work environment, some fun again, along w/ the opportunity to reward those people who supported his DVD's.

Chappelle wanted to give money to the people in Louisiana victimized by governmental neglect in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Oprah interrupted him by saying, "you're on national tv, you just can't say you want to give money away, folks will be lined up at your door." Chappelle said he "wants to do it, but that doesn't mean I'm going to do it." His generosity, spirit & warmth was evident throughout the entire show. My sense is the next season of the "Chappelle Show," will go through the roof.

Adam4Adam: Love, Lust or Lies?

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Falling In Love on Brokeback Mountain: And, They're Not Queer

A couple of days ago, I had the pleasure of viewing the film "Brokeback Mountain." I was accompanied by an SGL male friend - an ADODI brother - who was as eager to see the film as I was. In fact, we had plans to see the film last week, but our conflicting schedules would not allow it. My friend & I committed to not seeing the film until we watched it together: I was deeply moved.

My initial reaction, upon learning of the homosexual relationship between two white cowboys, was to dismiss the film as another so-called gay Hollywood romance w/ no particular resonance to me as an SGL man of African descent. Earlier that afternoon, I spoke w/ a couple of SGL brothers who praised the film & insisted I'd experience something different from what I expected or imagined. They were right.

Set in 1963, amidst the backdrop of snow-capped mountains in Wyoming, I was immediately captivated by the beautiful cinematography. From the opening scene, it was clear the environment would play a major role in narrating the story, written & directed by independent filmmaker Ang Lee. The film's two protagonists, sensitively portrayed by Heath Ledger & Jake Gyllenhall, are 'roadies' whose strong work ethic bonds them on a practical level: they need each other to survive.

These two men are connected by rituals requiring them to cook, handle sheep, secure shelter & weather the brutal winter conditions. Alone. Isolated. They have a job to do & nothing else matters. As such, I was fascinated by the simple use of dialogue between these two men, along w/ the empty spaces filled w/ a breathtaking musical score.

I also appreciated their struggle to relate to each other, as men, as human beings, as workers, which evolved slowly as the film progressed. Traditionally, men in this setting are socialized to mask emotions others may perceive as feminine, soft, or weak. Men are not supposed to acknowledge pain, vulnerability, or terror. Yet, on "Brokeback Mountain," they discovered a longing unfamiliar to them. These two men were attracted to each other & they had an awkward time expressing this unexpected energy.

The morning after the men arise from a noticeably physical encounter of anal intercourse, absolute silence descends upon them. While cooking the, now, familiar can of beans, one of the men says to the guy he fucked, "I'm not queer." Without missing a beat, the other guy deadpans, "neither am I." This was the only time a sexual identity was discussed between the two. Up until around 1968, homosexuality was diagnosed as a mental illness in America, so I understood why the men were not, as many men are almost 40 years later, fighting for gay rights.

Contrary to mainstream media outlets, "Brokeback Mountain," is not a gay film. This film chronicles the lives of two men struggling to find meaning in the way they feel for each other. They argue, fight, hug, kiss, laugh & scream at each other over a period of time. As Chris Rock said in one of his HBO specials, "relationships are easy to get into, difficult to maintain." I doubt if the bright, young comedian had this type of relationship in mind, because our society is obsessed w/ gay identity politics.

Because they needed to work, both men had to sacrifice their feelings for each other for months. They made a commitment to stay connected, not sure of where this union would lead, considering the time frame & their need to establish manhood as it was already defined. One of the men married a woman w/ low self-esteen & had two kids in a trailer home. The other married a successful business women & had one kid, though communication problems between the two were apparent from the outset.

Each year the men would plan a 'fishing trip' in order to secretly see each other. I loved witnessing the excitement evident in their body language as they recieved each other's postcards, anticipating another few days, or week, to spend time together - in sin. There was a poignant scene early in the film in which the men engage each other arounf their religous beliefs. Small talk about Methodist & Protestant ethics ensued, which provided a backdrop for their infidelity.

The film took a tragic ending which I won't divulge here. Suffice it to say, the chemistry between these two men transcended class, gender, identity, orientation & skin privilege. The unsung manner in which they related to their families, wives & children demonstrated the complexities inherent in navigating unfamiliar sexual & social terrain. I'd highly recommend this film to my progressive friends & open-mnded family members. I intend to watch it again.

NYC Transit Strike: Illegal or Just?

The recent transit strike by disgruntled transit workers created havoc w/ NYC's seven million riders this past week. Folks complained about everything from the the holiday season to the inconvenience to the weather. Its hard trying to please a fickle audience - ask any Knick fan. Still, I'm grateful after two & half days of absence, the buses & subways are back in operation as contract negotiations between the MTA & TWU 100, led by President Roger Toussaint, move forward toward resolution.

Initially, the MTA offered transit workers a paltry six percent raise over a three year period. Yet, less than one mayoral election ago, the MTA publicly announced they'd 'discovered' a billion dollar surplus: show me the money! Additionally, it was reported the MTA - whose board members are mostly appointed by Governor Pataki - keeps two separate accounting books. Why? In the words of power-driven Gordon Gekko of 'Wall Street' fame, a role which garnered actor Michael Douglas an Oscar, "greed is good." Or, as controversial boxing promoter Don King once poignantly remarked, "only in America."

TWU 100 summarily rejected the MTA's offer, which was later amended to a nine percent raise over a three year period. NYC transit workers gross roughly $55,000 yearly, which, on the surface, is a welcome salary by most standards. However, considering the rising cost of living in NYC, the lack of adequate health care, as well as the higher wages of Long Island Rail Road (L.I.R.R.) & Metro North workers, it was clear the MTA was in for a dog fight.

As the principled Toussaint made clear from his brilliant leadership, the strike was more than a quarrel over money. What did Aretha ask for? R-E-S-P-E-C-T. In addition to the ongoing threat of job security due to more technology & less people in the last decade, transit workers are subjected to deplorable working conditions each day: asbestos, inadequate bathroom facilities, poor audio equipment, rats, substance users, etc. Also, the emotional & physical stress of working long hours in a tiny booth is more than enough to make a sane person go crazy.

When the MTA made their final contract offer - a 10.5 percent raise over three years - the TWU 100 overwhelmingly decided enough was enough. The union sought a 24 percent raise over three years, as well as changes in disciplinary action, improved benefits & pension plan revision, all to no avail. The first to strike were bus drivers in Queens as of 12:01 a.m., Sunday, December 18, followed by bus & subway workers from the metropolitan area as of 12:01 a.m., Tuesday, December 20. Yeah, it was on.

Upon viewing the media coverage of the contract negotiations, I noticed a certain tone ascribed to TWU 100 President Roger Toussaint, a proud native of Trinidad & Tobago. His integrity was attacked by local journalists, newspaper columnists & Mayor Bloomberg, who referred to him as "thuggish." Before his recent election, Bloomberg embraced resolution amongst unions involving firemen, policemen, sanitation workers & teachers. Never, in his term as Mayor, has he referred to a union president as a "thug."

Move over 50 Cent, there's a new sheriff in town...

The Mayor's racist remarks drew the ire of many Black male leaders, most notably Brooklyn Councilman Charles Barron. Barron, a regular guest on Gary Byrd's 'GBE' weekly early morning radio program (WLIB/1190 AM), told Byrd he basically called Toussaint a nigger. Bloomberg, as well as Pataki, shaped the media's coverage of the strike by calling transit workers "selfish & shameful" for breaking the "Taylor Law," a tool used to justify denying the bargaining leverage of a prospective union.

Toussaint, evoking the spirit of Haitian President Toussaint L'Overture, astutely noted the Civil Rights Movement was fueled by illegal activity: the laws of this country were built on the oppression of African people centuries ago. When the late Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat to a white man in the Jim Crow south, she successfully spearheaded a 381 day boycott of the Montgomery Bus Company. The TWU 100 leader also remarked Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, Jr., who won a Nobel Peace Prize award for his humanitarian efforts, was "begrudgingly" given a national holiday on his earth day - January 15.

Even Stevie Wonder can see how Black men are not valued in this society. The blatant level of disrespect accorded Toussaint is consistent w/ the mistreatment of Black men who hold powerful positions in today's society. Unlike other union leaders who value expediency over empowerment, Toussaint remained true to the will of his constituency, 70 percent of whom rely on public transportation. Furthermore, Toussaint disclosed contingency plans which baffled media & political pundits alike. He made me proud.

On the first day of the strike, a Black male Supreme Court Judge - handpicked to handle this case - levied the TWU 100 w/ a million dollar a day fine for breaking the Taylor Law, thereby giving new meaning to 'Black on Black crime.' Additionally, transit workers were fined $25,000 a day for their actions. Later, as negotiations stalled, it was discovered, before the strike was called, the MTA sought to punish transit workers by deducting six percent of their annual salary towards their pension benefits.

As of this writing, transit workers are back to work. For a couple of days, though, I noticed an eerie quiet in the village of Harlem, where I tend to do a lot of walking through anyway. I appreciated the tranquility & wondered how folks were coping. I called a few friends & learned the majority of them empathized w/ the transit workers. They expressed rage towards the supremacist remarks of Bloomberg & Pataki, who didn't intervene at the bargaining table, but instead, viciously attacked the character of Toussaint, a man trying to do his job to the best of his ability, just like the rest of us in this cold ass city.

Save Tookie's Life: Kill The Death Penalty

On December 13, 2005, Stan "Tookie" Williams is due to be executed in California. Though he maintains his innocence, Williams was convicted in 1981 of the 1979 murders of four people (one black, three Asian) during two separate robberies. Amidst a backdrop of anti-gang hysteria, during the questionable trial - any trial of a Black man in America is questionable - the prosecutor referred to him as "a Bengal tiger," as well as his South Central home as a "jungle."

Williams was found guilty by a 'jury of his peers': a lily-white jury. Despite his right to due process, all prospective Black jurors were removed from the selection pool. Historically, Blacks are wary of serving on death penalty cases. Later, in the sentencing phase of his trial, Williams appeared before the court in shackles - evoking the enslavement of our ancestors - a practice the U.S. Supreme Court has since ruled unconstitutional. Who says racism is dead?

In 1971, Williams co-founded the notorious street gang the Crips. The Crips, along w/ their rival gang, the Bloods, ruled South Central street life for decades. Ironically, the fate of this brother lies in the hands of an actor turned Governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, a European immigrant who made millions of dollars in films celebrating violence as a male rites of passage. America, then, is a nation obsessed w/ violence: the hate that hate produced.

Despite his ordeal, or, perhaps, in his response to it, Williams has spent the last 20 years intervening in gang disputes. Along w/ author Barbara Becnel, he's co-written a children's book series, "Tookie Speaks Out Against Gang Violence." One of his books won national honors. Last year he helped broker peace agreements between Bloods & Crips in California & New Jersey. More than 70,000 people have sent e-mails to www.SaveTookie.org. Oscar-winner Jamie Foxx sensitively portrayed Williams in the cable TV film, "Redemption: The Stan Tookie Williams Story."

His supporters, among them Jim Brown, Snoop Dogg, Danny Glover & Archbishop Desmond Tutu, have nominated Williams for the Nobel Peace Prize. Recently, Governor Schwarzenegger told reporters he is "dreading" the decision to end or extend the life of the atoned brother, who currently survives in a six by ten foot cell. The San Francisco Chronicle published an editorial calling on the Governor to grant him clemency. Todd Chretien of the 'Campaign to End the Death Penalty,' says, "there is no reason on earth to kill him & every reason to keep him alive."

I've never believed in the death penalty. As the descendant of enslaved Africans, the emotional & psychological residue of post traumatic slave syndrome haunts my wounded psyche. As a Black man in America, I suffer the oppression of white supremacy daily. As a same gender-loving brother, I've been rejected by community, family, religion & society. As a recovering drug addict living w/ AIDS, I know isolation on an intimate level: we are imprisoned by our own minds & condemned by our own guilt.

Life has a way of somehow getting your undivided attention, whether you like it or not. My 97-year old great grandmother used to tell me when I was little, "nobody gets through this world unscathed." My mother once told me, "God don't make mistakes." In one of his books, Williams poignantly writes, "don't join a gang. You won't find what you're looking for. All you will find is trouble, pain & sadness. I know. I did." In my 45 years or so on the planet, I've learned, as has Williams, to heal: healing is the natural tendency to restore balance when it is lost. Am I my brother's keeper? Yes. Let Tookie live.

'The Boondocks' On Cable TV: Is it too grown up for kids?

A few weeks ago, I watched the cable television debut of Aaron McGruder's popular cartoon series "The Boondocks." I've come to love the antics of pro-Black, hip hop youngsters Huey & Riley Freeman, whose old-school Grandad has moved to the suburbs, to both retire & raise them - on his terms. In fact, I have the series on my computer screen & begin each day w/ another episode.

I was concerned about the transition from cartoon to cable, but McGruder has a capable team working on his behalf, including Reginald Hudlin, who serves as Executive Producer. The beautiful, hard-working, smart & talented actress Regina King is the unlikely voice of Huey & Riley. Some folks might recognize actor & comedian John Witherspoon as the voice of Grandad. McGruder said the first season will primarily feature these three characters, as others will be introduced slowly over a period of time.

One of the things which struck me while watching the show was the raucous language. The debut used the 'n' word an inordinate amount. Webster's Dictionary decided to take the word out of the dictionary, due to pressure from community-based & civil rights groups who've voiced their rage towards the word's historical degradation of Black people. I was alarmed to hear the kids using the word, though not necessarily offended.

What I particularly appreciate about McGruder, however, is his willingness to challenge pop culture & other socio-economic issues from a cultural context, which serves to educate, inform & affirm the Black community. Huey, Riley & Grandad have been critical of the Bush administration, including Colin Powell, Condoleeza Rice & Dick Cheney. They've also taken on the likes of Jesse Jackson, Rev. Al Sharpton, Kobe Bryant & Michael Jackson. The show basically leaves no stones unturned.

The Cartoon Network has a new (at least to me) level of programming, known as 'Adult Swim,' which features a variety of cartoons offering viewers ethnic diversity in a historically lily-white field. I've yet to view any other of their shows - I'm just not interested in cartoons or sci-fi shows. I'm 45 years old, you know? In speaking to others, I find their level of intrigue varies from wonder to why.

Lately, the cartoon strip has focused on the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, the 'Bird Flu' & 50 Cent's new semi-autobio film, "Get Rich or Die Tryin." I love the irreverence of Huey & Riley, as well as their Grandad's seemingly oblivion to how these conflicting forces compete for our attention, money & soul. I get a chuckle every day. My intentions are to support "The Boondocks" each week. Its clear McGruder is a man of integrity who loves Black people enough to speak truth to power. I hope his audience will write the station to let them know how we feel about the show: good, bad or indifferent.

Did Bloomberg Get Re-elected Mayor By Default, Or Was Freddy Not Ready?

A week ago today, less than 40 percent of NYC's three million registered voters turned out to re-elect Michael Bloomberg as Mayor, defeating Democratic candidate Fernando Ferrer by a historic margin of nearly 20 percent. Bloomberg received just under 730,000 votes, or 58 percent, which is remarkable, considering five out of six registered New Yorkers are Democratic. But how did he do it? Why did folks not show up at the polls? And finally, does anybody care?

Bloomberg is a billionaire businessman. Money talks. He paid for his campaign using his own money. I ain't mad at him. My quarrel rests w/ the so-called democratic process, which, in a capitalistic society, champions wealth, elevates class & ignores race. Ferrer didn't have a chance, because he didn't take care of his side of the street. As a result, we've seen four successive Republican victors on Election Day.

Ferrer has over 20 years of public service, a record even Bloomberg can't pay for. Latino New Yorkers outnumbered Black New Yorkers in the last U.S. Census, 29 to 26 percent. So much for the old 'minority' myth. Ferrer had an opportunity to seize the moment by developing a grass-roots coalition, but was unable to establish a clear political message that resonated w/ regular, working-class folk.

A number of issues unique to the Black & Latino community - high infant mortality rates, HIV/AIDS prevalence, illiteracy, mental health & unemployment - were ignored. Ferrer's Democratic primary opponents seemed to support him, as well as the Democratic Party, by default. At the eleventh hour, we'd see C. Virginia Fields, Gifford Miller & Anthony Wiener by his side. He would also get a nod from former NYC Mayor David Dinkins, former President Bill Clinton & former Presidential candidate Rev. Al Sharpton. Yet, these efforts never registered w/ the people.

I'm not sure what Ferrer's marketing strategy entailed, or if he had one. He certainly could've spiced things up a bit (no Big Pun intended), using his ethnicity to mobilize Latinos, who seem to be captivated by economic opportunities offered by Republican Party candidates. Personality politics often sway voters' minds, so you'd think Ferrer would've taken to the streets of 'El Barrio' for community-based guidance & direction, right? I was expecting him to speak a little Spanish, but...

...all he could talk about was "we need affordable housing in this city." He sounded like a bootleg CD.

Ferrer didn't mobilize folks around the Hurricane Katrina disaster, as it related to the disenfranchised, low-income & working poor citizens of Alabama, Louisiana & Mississippi. He didn't offer support for the historic Millions More Movement. He was eerily silent around the recent Iraq War rally outside of the White House. Hell, he didn't even let us know what he thought about All-Pro wide receiver Terrel Owens' ongoing feud w/ the Philadelphia Eagles. Frankly, I've seen more fire from a crack pipe.

Meanwhile Bloomberg, a savvy politician, aligned himself w/ the Black Church. In fact, he doubled his share of the Black vote from four years ago, persuading 46 percent of Black folks to pull his lever. I think by running on three different parties his visibility was enhanced. Bloomberg was supported by several major unions. He's made numerous deals w/ real estate developers, resulting in Harlem's gentrification makeover. Most importantly, weeks before the election, he orchestrated winning contracts w/ firemen, police officers, sanitation workers & teachers. And, he got bank.

A number of community analyzers suggested part of the problem w/ Black & Latino voting communities has to do w/ our narrow-minded approach. For many of us, historically, elections are basically a one-shot deal. We neither plan well, nor hold our officials accountable before, during & after the process. Nearly six out of ten folks in NYC are Black & Brown, yet we are not united as a people. Marcus Garvey said, "people who don't know their history are doomed to repeat it." When P. Diddy got involved in the last Presidential election w/ his 'Vote Or Die', celebrity-charged effort, some of our youth answered the call.

Today, the current line to our political & economic salvation is either broken, disconnected, or on hold.

Author Terry McMillan Sets Her Gay Ex-Husband Straight on OPRAH

I was troubled viewing best-selling author Terry McMillan's appearance w/ her ex-husband on 'OPRAH', Wednesday, November 9. A number of interesting, but complex & intersecting dynamics took place. Yet, even w/ the assistance of Oprah's now, resident Black female psychologist, Dr. Robin Smith, certain issues were not addressed, which is not unusual when her guests are Black, male and/or homosexual.

McMillan admitted (on the show) she met Jonathan Plummer, a Jamaican native 20 years her junior, while vacationing in Jamaica. She caught him gazing at her while having breakfast one morning. At some point, a conversation developed, she fell in lust & asked him to have sex w/ her. Does this sound like a novel?

The critically acclaimed author of love & relationship books like "Disapperaring Acts", "Mama", & "Waiting To Exhale", McMillan's 1996 novel, "How Stella Got Her Groove Back", captured the fancy of Black women everywhere. The book later hit the silver screen - to mixed reviews - w/ Academy Award nominated actress Angela Bassett in the starring role.

Most folks assumed the book & the film articulated McMillan's real life, because she eventually married Plummer (three years later). McMillan said the book was written before they were married, in order to "give herself permission to have an affair w/ a younger man." The two were married for six and a half years. They both agreed the first four years were full of good times. McMillan found Plummer a capable & satisfying lover, surprised any (!) man had his particular skills. But during the last two years of their union, Plummer 'awakened' to his same sex desire, which, apparently, led to a bitter & nasty divorce.

Before Plummer joined the two women on camera, Oprah asked McMillan, who seemed anxiety-riddled throughout the whole show, did she "see any signs of him being gay." McMillan said, "he's not the most masculine man in the world...he spends more time in the mirror than I do...he's narcissistic." Still, his desire to love another man was NEVER affirmed. Why? From the start, Plummer's character was framed by having or hiding a gay identity. And we all know how Oprah loves gay men...

McMillan suspected Plummer had been having sex w/ other man while they were married, so she took an HIV test, which produced a negative result. The primarily female studio audience clapped thunderously when she admitted this fact. Oprah neither challenged nor questioned her motives. McMillan's fears, whiich are prevalent in today's families, churches & social arenas, feed the media hype which suggests homosexuality is a leading co-factor to HIV.

Plummer, a tall, handsome brother casually dressed in white shirt & jeans, was, at times, playful w/ his ex-wife. He struggled, though, when talking about his oppressive upbringing. Plummer shared the anti-homosexual bias prominent in most Carribean nations, stating, "people look down on you, they think its wrong & nobody wants to be gay." Neither Oprah, nor Dr. Smith affirmed Plummer as he shared his pain. Seemingly frustrated, Oprah - who is not a behavioral scientist, counselor, social worker or therapist - asked, "how can you be 20 years old & not know you are gay?" Did she ask Ellen the same?

Western society assigns, expects & imposes gay identities & politics on homosexual men, regardless of their unique cultural, familial or spiritual background. Plummer shared how (known or perceived) homosexuals in Jamaica are regularly tortured & sometimes killed. Admittedly "confused about my sexuality", his trauma was, again, not affirmed. Initially Oprah conceded to Plummer the challenges inherent in "coming out." Later, she said she knew men who "knew they were gay when they were four", but couldn't understand why Plummer couldn't "just tell the truth."

Oprah's ignorance, insensitivity & internalized racism pissed me off.

Over the years, Oprah has interviewed a number of high-profile gay-identified white men, including singers Boy George, Elton John & George Michael, as well as Olympic Gold Medal diving champion Greg Louganis. Never did she equate their same sex desire w/ negative character traits like dishonesty, greed, infideltiy & mistrust. Though he tried to redeem himself, Plummer's media-induced perception will undoubtedly haunt him, as will the lingering affect on homosexual Black men across the globe.

McMillan, who offered she has "no problems w/ gay men", shared her angry feelings of betrayal & deception. She asserted his unwillingness to identify as gay is "similar to alcoholics who deny they can't handle a few drinks." The couple separated soon after Plummer admitted he was gay. Along the way, she left a number of profanely rageful telephone messages, some of which were heard on the show, fueling a climate of 'gay-o-phobia' in the audience. I suspect they could both benefit from therapy.

Plummer later sued McMillian for an undisclosed amount of money. Both parties shared their stories w/ the press - who profit from Black pain. After Plummer's appearance on 'Good Morning America', his ex-wife went on Tavis Smiley's PBS show the same night, stating, "he's a liar & a sociopath & he's trying to get my money, but he will not get it." Tavis looked dumbfounded, but the audience, watching a clip of her on Oprah, roared w/ approval. Perhaps they empathized w/ her sense of "being victimized by a man who cheats." Even if he's gay.

McMillan publicly accused Plummer of marrying her (primarily) to receive his U.S. citizenship, which he has categorically denied. The immigration laws are inherently racist, yet the issue was never challenged by Oprah, or Dr. Smith. Historically, European immigrants are able to navigate the complex legal & social barriers w/ less drama than their Carribean counterparts. Black & brown immigrants have class issues that ignore race: another social construct Oprah is uncomfortable addressing.

Dr. Smith asked McMillan if she still loved Plummer, who replied, "I love the man I married." Dr. Smith suggested McMillan was somehow "swept away by the fantsay of what a man is." Again, the implication here: a homosexual is not a man - but, a gay man. McMillan reluctantly said though she's "not big on forgiveness, I accept him as he is. I forgive him for being gay, but don't like the way this happenned."

Towards the very end of the show, Oprah, w/ the help of McMillan & the audience, got Plummer to admit he was on the 'DL.' Before she asked him about it, it was clear Plummer - aware of society's assumptions around homosexual activity - didn't want that particuar label attached to him by default. Oprah joked 'it' would be better left for another show, as she looked to the audience to define what 'DL' means. After talking to J.L. King, Oprah has become the world's formeost authority on the 'DL' phenomenon, thereby rendering Dr. Smith's contribution neutral.

Finally, Oprah revealed the titile of McMillan's new book, "The Interruption of Everything." She quickly added, "I loved it so much I bought the movie rights to it & we are now in pre-production." Doesn't that sound like a conflict of interest? Her motives for interviewing the unlikely duo were already suspect. Did this remind anyone of the Clarence Thomas/ Anita Hill spectacle? Clearly, we need honest, open dialogue in the Black community around issues of sexuality. Oprah, despite your best intentions: you got punk'd.

Does My Anti-Bloomberg Vote Count?

It's a little after 9:00 pm & I've yet to weigh in w/ local and/or national newscasts regarding the mayoral election results. Why? I suspect Michael Bloomberg will win decidedly. Besides, I've got a couple of more free NBA games to watch on their NBA League Pass channels. And, I don't feel good about the economic, political & social condition in NYC as it relates to Black men.

The unemployment rate for Black men in NYC is around 60 percent. HIV transmission rates among Black men who engage in homosexual activity are near 50 percent for that population. Black and Latino men - many of whom are illiterate - comprise nearly 96 percent of the prison population in NYC. Additionally, hepatitis rates outnumber HIV transmission 15 to 1 in NYC prisons. But did you hear Bloomberg, or his Democratic candidate Fernando Ferrer address these issues? Hell no!

Historically, talking about issues involving race and homosexuality incite controversy. When you add HIV you've got a volatile mix. Most politicians, by default, like to keep things safe. Both candidates rant about the need for affordable housing, but how can you pay the rent w/ out a job? I live in Harlem, where the current reality is gentrification, though some folks like to call it 'diversity.' Columbia University students are shacking up four to a room - rents for a one-bedroom apartment are as much as $1,500 a month.

Bloomberg is a millionaire white businessman who wants to run the city like a corporation; a Republican in a widely Democratic city is not unusual. Yet, he's running on both the Independent Party & Liberal Party. Lenora Fulani, a capable & impassioned Black woman who once ran for Mayor as an independent candidate, suggests Black people should vote for Bloomberg - as an independent! But independent from what? He's rich, white, male & heterosexual.

The late Harlem historian & Pan Africanist Dr. John Henrick Clarke, when asked what his thoughts were about white, male politicians on the Liberal Party, answered, "liberated from what?" I agree. When you live w/ white male skin privilege, what are you being liberated from? As I stepped into the voting booth today, I exercised my right & my responsibility to be accountable. As my 97-year old great grandmother used to tell me as a young boy, "let your conscience be your guide."

Ferrer is still hurting from the wounds he's endured for embracing 'New York's finest' when they were acquitted of shooting Ghanaian immigrant Amadou Diallo 41 times. Many people in the Black & Latino community feel betrayed by his NYPD alignment. Though he's been in public service for a number of decades, most recently as Bronx Borough President, Ferrer lacks the courage, passion & vision to deal w/ the varied complexities of NYC daily life.

So often Black people are expected & encpuraged to vote for 'the lesser of two evils.' Why vote for evil in the first place? I hope folks turnout this fall. Last week, NY1 was issuing polls showing Bloomberg ahead by a two to one margin. I hate when the media does that. We live in tough times & folks are ambivalent about politics to begin w/, but when you temper their concerns w/ polls from 700 or so voters, the message becomes diluted & people stay home to watch television.

Which reminds me, if I hurry, I can catch the next episode of MTV's "The Real World."

WNBA Star Sheryl Swoopes Goes Public With Her Same Gender Love

Earlier this week I came upon some intriguing information from an associate's website. Olympic Gold Medalist, & four-time (consecutive) champion from the WNBA Houston Comets' Sheryl Swoopes shared her same gender love w/ the media. In the latest ESPN Magazine, which ironically covers an unlikely pair - NBA Laker star Kobe Bryant & his, once again head coach Phil Jackson - Swoopes reveals she is gay.

Additionally, ESPN 2 has a relatively new sports/talk show - "Cold Pizza" - which comes on way too early (8:00 am) for my taste. This past Thursday, Swoopes was interviewed by their seemingly indifferent female journalist. At one point, the woman said, "there's a perception that most of the women in the WNBA are lesbian, what do you think your coming out will do for other gay or lesbian athletes out there, who might be thinking about coming out?"

Swoopes, dressed in a sleeveless, black turtleneck accentuated by a sparkling silver cross, said, "well, the reason I'm doing this is so I can be free...the stereotypes about female athletes are not true, there are just as many straight female athletes in the WNBA as there are straight men in the NBA." Swoopes went on to say, "I had to sacrifice my happiness for awhile...if people don't want to come out, that's fine, but I want people to know who I am, who I care about, who I show my affection for...I'm tired of pretending."

I was particularly proud of the humilty Swoopes displayed in her interview. She was calm, polite, warm & unapologetic. She admitted it was difficult hiding her authentic self because she knows as an athlete, mother & public figure, "it's (referring to homosexuality) not accepted in our society, but I'm okay w/ that because I'm still the same person, still the same mom & still the same Sheryl." Though not surprised by her courageous revelation, my male supremacy didn't consider being lesbian as her possible reality.

We live in a society which teaches us heterosexuality is the standard way of being, living & loving. Most of the time our attitudes around sexuality are heavily influenced by religious dogma. Like rapper Nas once said, "we fear what we don't understand & hate what we can't conquer." Aware of my same sex desire as a small child, I quickly learned to avoid (male) eye contact, deny my true feelings, lie about my social calendar, monitor my walk, smile when angry & try to please others so they wouldn't hurt me.

None of those damn strategies were effective...

When I shared Swoopes' lesbianism w/ a caring & sensitive hetero male friend, he suggested, "well, its easier for her because she's established." I didn't bother to tell him pain is on both sides of the dollar bill, no matter who you are in this world. Not surprisingly, he assumed being honest about her sexuality would be easier for Swoopes because she got bank. Wrong. Yet, his perspective is fairly common in today's fast paced, I'm busy, we'll talk later society.

After watching Swoopes on "Cold Pizza", I was pumped to go to the newsstand. I want to hear the whole story - not the less than eight-minute piece she offered on cable. I've yet to pick up the ESPN Magazine w/ her in it, though. I will, eventually. For real. You see, my mind is telling me yes but my body is telling me no. Okay, so I'm lazy. But I'd love to interview Sheryl Swoopes one day. Like Bobby & Whitney, we got something in common because I can identify w/ her on an emotional level. Besides, sometimes all people want is the feeling of being listened to, which didn't happen on tv. No wonder I hate cold pizza.

Chicago White Sox Take Commanding 3 Games to None Lead in 2005 World Series

Early this morning, the Chicago White Sox defeated the Houston Astros 7-5 in 14 innings, giving them a commanding three games to none lead in this year's fall classic. This was the longest World Series game in major league history - spanning nearly six hours. Pinch hitter Geoff Blum, himself a former Astro, homered in the top of the 14th inning. The White Sox added an insurance later in the inning. Lefty Mark Buerhle, who started game two, came in to close in the bottom of the 14th inning.

This year's White Sox are an interesting group, led by their fearless manager, 41 year-old Ozzie Guillen - a shoo-in for AL Manager of the Year. Guillen, a former rookie of the year & all-star, gold glove winning shortstop, keeps his players ready because of his character, energy & spirit. Former players are often most respected by their managers. He made it clear from day one of the spring season to the team's owners: "get me some new horses in here."

What Guillen was referring to was the White Sox woeful staring pitching. Everyone agrees pitching & defense wins championships in baseball. This year, for example, the White Sox staff was at the top of the ERA list. They have six legitimate starters, four of whom won 14 or more games, which rivals the St. Louis Cardinals' often heralded pitching staff.

Jon Garland, Mark Buerhle, Jose Contreras & Freddie Garcia have dominated this year's post season. In fact, coming into the World Series, they were a combined 4-1, w/ an ERA below 2 runs per game. They shut down the Los Angeles Angels, in particlar last year's AL MYP Vladimir Guerrero, who had just one single in over 20 at bats in the AL division series.

Though I remain a Cubs fan at heart, I feel a certain kinship to the Chicago White Sox because I was born in the Windy City. The fierce rivalry between both teams is parallel to other major league franchises boasting two teams in the same sport, such as we have here in New York. In 2000, for example, when NYC hosted what came to be known as the 'Subway Series', emotions ran high from borough to borough.

In last night's game, all of the Astros' hopes were on the shoulder of their Cy Young candidate Roy Oswalt, who sported a 3-0 record in the post season. He owned the first four innings, mixing his 97 mile an hour fastball w/ a wicked curve & slider. However, in the fifth inning, the White Sox began to melt Oswalt's heat, as he surrendered five runs on six hits, beginning w/ third baseman Joe Crede's opposite field solo homer.

What I like about the White Sox is they have no superstars, which is refreshing in today's climate of over-priced egos whose individual statistics don't lead to playoff berths or World Series rings. Each player in their lineupis capable of winning the game. What other teams have a man batting in the ninth spot who has 15 HR's and 71 RBI's? Shortstop Jose Uribe - whose agressive bat reminds me of former Pittsburgh Pirate catcher Manny Sanguillen - is an overlooked talent who can only get better w/ experience.

The Astros had numerous opportunities to win the game, especially in the ninth inning, when they had a runner on third base w/ one out. ESPN announcer Harold Reynolds - a man after my own heart - said the ninth inning was the key to the Astros demise. Eventually, the bases were loaded, the results of walks (one intentionally to the dangerous Lance Berkman) from White Sox relievers.

Guillen masterfully used his brilliant bullpen in this game. Orlando Hernandez, a former Yankee star & one of the most versatile pitchers in the league, came in & shut down the next two Astros hitters. He was stellar in one of the White Sox' division series wins over last year's champion Boston Red Sox. 'El Duke' pitched three shutout innings of relief in a game (I forget which one) the Red Sox could've blown open w/ one more hit.

Prior to Hernandez' appearance in the ninth inning, lefty Mark Potts came in to face left-handed hitting Mark Lamb. Potts, whose regular season ERA was 1.87, walked Lamb on five pitches. In game one, the exact matchup was used, but in that game, Potts struck out Lamb to diffuse a potental rally. Also, in the bottom of the ninth inning, the Astros tied the game at five, as Whit Sox reliever Hermanson gave up a double to Jason Lane.

Game four will be played tonight in Houston. Their was some mild controversy yesterday because the Astros have the benefit of openinf or closing their domed stadium as weather dictates. NBC announcers Jack Buck & Tim McCarver pointed out the Astros - who had the best record at home in the majors this year - have a much better record when the dome is closed, than when the dome is open. Seems the powers that be wanted the dome open because the temperature was in the 60's. When asked about the decision to keep the dome open, White Sox manager Guillen simply said, "I don't care."

Last night, I got an e-mail from my youngest sister Tracy, who has caught the White Sox fever along w/ her beautiful young daughter, DaShae. She admits she was not a White Sox fan, but now, she says, she is "hooked." Tracy works for the company who makes the ads & message boards for most Chicago sports teams. As such, she gets free tickets to the games, even the World Series. I guess Glenda, the Good Witch was right, as she handed Dorothy her red slippers reminding her: "there's no place like home."

BMX Makes History At Millions More Movement 2005 - Amidst Controversy!

Just before 2:00 am, Saturday, October 15, 2005, about 25 people from the Black Men's Xchange (BMX), along w/ members of the larger Black family sponsored by the Martin Luther King Center For Non-Violence in Queens, boarded a capacity bus. Our destination? Washington, D.C., for the Millions More Movement, to support the CEO & Founder of BMX, Cleo Manago, selected by MMM organizers to speak at the historic rally.

We arrived in New Carrolton, Maryland somewhere around 7:00 am: anxious, excited, hungry, proud, weary. Upon exiting the bus, I began to reflect on my experience at the Million Man March 10 years ago. The first thing I noticed was the level of security deployed - prompted, no doubt, by post 9-11 fear & so-called Bush anti-terrorist activity. As we journeyed toward the U.S. Capitol, we were warmly greeted by the Fruit Of Islam (FOI). Their acknowledgment set the tone for a long & exciting day ahead.

Perhaps because 10 years ago it was a day of atonement, an event specifically focused towards the unity of Black men, the sense, or feeling, of urgency was missing. I was pleased by a large youth turnout. At the outset of his surprisingly short 75 minute presentation, the Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan noted about 50% of the crowd were young people. In fact, there was a distinct family atmosphere present - several generations - yet the picnic-like crowd was rather subdued, until hip hop artist Wyclef Jean took the stage & proceeded to rock the house, adding much needed energy to the event.

I vividly remember the Million Man March being held on a weekday. I eagerly attended w/ 15 Black & Latino men ranging in age from 25 to 75; activists, educators, volunteers, working class folk; bisexual, heterosexual, same gender-loving; most HIV-positive; some in recovery; Baptist, Christian, Muslim & spiritual brothers joined together through grace. When we reached the mall shortly before 8:00 am, it was announced almost one million men were already accounted for. Brothers from various parts of the world were greeting, hugging & smiling to each other: the love & intimacy was almost surreal.

The next day's Washington Post read: "400, 000 African-American Men March in DC."

Earlier in the week, we were dutifully informed BMX would be included as part of the "tapesty of unity" section of the rally. The MMM intended to showcase our cultural, political & social diversity. Included were various representatives from the Congressional Black Caucus, Malcolm X Grass Roots Movement, NAACP, National Bar Association, National Council of Negro Women, National Urbal League, New Black Panther Party & Southern Christian Leadership Conference.

As Cleo Manago graced the podium - joined by two members of AMASSI, Inc., the California-based, Cultural, Health & Wellness Center he serves as CEO & Founder - we cheered loudly, w/ pride. I listened intently as Cleo graciously thanked Farrakhan for his "seriousness about inclusion amongst all members of the Black family", offering his "perspective as a Black man, a same gender-loving Black man." Again, this was the first time a same gender-loving man of African descent presented at a national Black event.

Manago, dressed in dashiki & jeans, was brilliant, as he spoke to the need for "cultural affirmation courses, mental health & restoration intervention for Black people, because many of us need it." He went on to suggest we need "healing opportunities explicitly acknowledging our diversity, which would include same gender-loving sisters & brothers, non-religious folks, powerul women, people who are differently-abled physically, & others loyal to Black unity, life & success."

As Cleo continued, somebody in the group asked if Keith Boykin is going to speak. Earlier this week, I recieved an e-mail, in the form of a press release, stating a meeting took place between members of the National Black Justice Coalition (NBJC), the civil rights organization for LGBT people Boykin heads, along w/ Farrakhan, Willie Wilson, MMM National Director & other MMM organizers. According to the release, Farrakhan - his first time ever meeting w/ openly (!) gay & lesbian Blacks - after the tense 75 minute session, invited Boykin to speak.

Prior to this alleged meeting, an October 6 article in the Houston Voice - reprinted in the Washington Blade - entitled, "Farrakhan said to approve gay speaker for march. Millions More leaders may prefer 'separatist' representative. The article described BMX as a "controversial, all-male New York group that disputes the existence of Black gays." Ray Daniels, an NBJC spokesperson, said BMX was a separatist group that has denounced organizations like NBJC as stooges for the "white power structure."

In fact, just days before the rally, the NBJC offered to the MMM organizers a list of 10 openly gay & lesbian speakers to present, among them Angela Davis, E. Lynn Harris, Me'Shell N'Degeocello & Alice Walker. Ironically, Boykin was not on the list, yet a Washington Blade article reports Wilson blocked Boykin from speaking the day of the rally. Wilson empahatically denies the charge, saying Boykin was never told he'd speak at the rally. Did Boykin try to coerce the MMM into honoring his own agenda?

What I find troubling are recent weblogs of both Boykin & Jasmyne Connick, another NBJC member, who've resorted to 'outing' Black ministers they deem homophobic. A number of entries ask: "Is T.D. Jakes Gay?", "Is Eddie Long Gay?", "Is Willie Wilson Gay?" They're asking for the help of any gay & lesbian folk who have information about the alleged 'gayness' of these ministers.

How will the answer to these questions benefit Black people? And, who cares?

The NBJC is funded by white dollars & no (common) sense. As such, I question the autonomy of the NBJC, whose primary focus is on gay marriage, a class issue which doesn't resonate w/ the average Black homosexual, male or female. Furthermore, the gay white media, like their straight white counterparts, is invested in the destruction of the Black community, regardless of our sexual politics. The whole scenario smells holier than thou from over here - y'all know God don't like ugly.

Additional press reports are suggesting BMX, as an organization, was complicit in the so-called snub of Boykin, in an attempt to polarize the LGBT community. Nothing could be further from the truth. BMX has a solid, 20 -year relationship w/ the Nation of Islam (NOI) as a Black affirming entity. BMX made no demands on the MMM. BMX asked to be included, not as a condition, but as an opportunity to share a perspective in a rational manner amongst the entire Black family in a cultural context. BMX is invested in the transformation of Black life & was committed to attending the event whether or not Cleo Manago- who requested a SGL woman be present - spoke or not.

Are we controversial because we don't allow white people & their gay-identity policis to dictate our agenda? Are we controversial because we're not afraid to speak truth to power? Are we controversial because we are pro-Black, which is media manipulated as anti-white? Had Boykin spoken at the rally, we would've been the first to congratulate him: our mission employs diversity. Seems the MMM was not feeling him.

Finally, the MMM was not about Farrakhan, the NOI, or simply, another march. The MMM is about the liberation, mobilization, transformation & unification of Black people. Why? Black people are suffering all over the world. The disastrous aftermath of Hurricane Katrina exposed a white supremacist capitalist patriarchal system designed to exploit Black people wherever we exist. We need to assume responsibility for the health & wellness of our people. We need to take care of our people. We need to heal. Now.

Frederick Douglass said, "power never conceded anything w/ out a demand, it never has & it never will." Marcus Garvey said, "people who don't know their history are doomed to repeat it." James Baldwin said, "your crown has been bought & paid for, all you must do is wear it." I trust this experience serves as (another) wake-up call for the homoseuxal Black community, as well as the community at-large. We need to get our shit together - cause it stinks!

Farrakhan Chooses SGL Speaker for Millions More Movement

This weekend marks the 10th anniversary of the historic Million Man March in Washington, DC. About two million brothers showed up, despite media reports of 400,000. We came for a day of atonement, an opportunity for brothers to unify in peace, responsibility & spirit. I was there. Black. Male. Proud. I will attend this year as well, though w/ a different twist. This year I will come w/ the Black Men's Xchange (BMX), whose founder, Cleo Manago, has been slated by Minister Louis Farrakhan to speak at the rally.

The Millions More Movement organizers were under controversy from the start when women shared their displeasure at being left out a decade ago. Since then, there have been similar marches for women, the youth & the family. Julianne Malveaux, a noted Black female economist & integral part of this year's efforts, stated, "how can you expect to fight a war when half of your army is at home with the children?"

The theme of the movement is: "Black is Back." In the wake of the devastation left by Hurricane Katrina to poor people in Alabama, Louisiana & Mississippi, organizers are calling upon the best & brightest of Black minds to engineer plans for the liberation, mobilization, transformation & unification of Black people. It is clear George Bush doesn't care for us, a sentiment recently echoed by Grammy-award winning hip hop artist Kanye West.

Cleo Manago is CEO & founder of AMASSI, Inc., a cultural, health & wellness center in Inglewood, California. He is a social architect, deeply invested in Black people affirming themselves. He is widely known for stating, "loving ourselves in our image is its own reward." Many folks are unaware Manago was scheduled to speak at the first March, however due to possible over-booking & time constraints, he didn't make it to the podium. He will make history this weekend, becoming the first Black "sexual minority" representative at a national Black event.

BMX is a Black men's empowement organization, based in Harlem & led by same gender-loving men (SGL) of African descent. Though west coast in origin, BMX has offices in Los Angeles, New York, Oakland/Bay Area, and Johannesburg, South Africa. An important component of the work at BMX includes critical thinking, which involves acknowledging & unlearning anti-Black & anti-homosexual thinking, two primary symptoms of poor self-concept.

The popular weekly gatherings in Harlem draw up to 50 participants. We dialogue, not just w/ SGL men, but also w/ SGL women, our heterosexual brothers & our heterosexual sisters. BMX believes in "putting Black love into practice." Each week we discuss issues relevant to the group, review community concerns & seek solutions to problems which compromise our emotional, physical & spiritual well-being.

This past, Friday, for example, our guest facilitator was Bob Law, New York State Chair of the Millions More Movement (MMM) Planning Committee. Mr. Law, a former radio talk show host ("Night Talk") & longtime community activist, was pleased to announce Manago as the choice of Farrakhan for the historic event. Noting BMX's consistent involvement w/ the MMM, Law captivated our members w/ his passionate dicourse around the need for a "sustained, conscious movement among progressive Black people." He further acknowledged the MMM organizers were "comfortable" w/ our organization.

In addition to Mr. Law, present that evening were a handful of heterosexual male allies who shared their concerns around unity in the Black community. One gentlemen in particular mentioned he was less concerned about whether folks are SGL, then whether they were willing to make a commitment to make the world a better place for Black people. Law, a devout Christian, admitted he personally doesn't approve of homosexuality, but stressed - as did the other heterosexual male - it was more important for Black people to unite in a common fight: white supremacy.

Let us be clear: at BMX we are well aware of the impressions w/ in the Black community suggesting homosexuality is an aberration, an abomination & a scourge. Yet, we know intimately there are diverse ways of being, living & loving: a prime reason we choose to be self-determining. BMX is making history this weekend. We will represent NYC strong at this event & encourage all members of the Black family to join us. Get on the bus!