Fasting As a Way of Life

I recently completed a six-day fast. My fast consisted of no solid food. At all. Each day I drank organic juices & water, while snacking on organic nuts & fruits every other day. I've added ten minutes of daily meditation to my daily prayer rituals, which has given me confidence, insight & strength. In the interim I lost 15 pounds, which though not a goal, is a welcome benefit because I've been feeling rather bloated, fatigued & lethargic the last couple of months. I'm so proud of myself!

After reading a book entitled, "Rational Fasting," during the Kwanzza season last year, my perspective on fasting has transformed my existence: the revolution will not be televised, but it can be written. Holla! I've also incorporated some specific strategies to establish, develop & maintain a healthy life. I'm currently working with a holistic health counselor to affirm my ongoing commitment to healing. We'll talk twice a month for an hour, meet monthly for an hour, she's given me some recipes to try out in the kitchen, as well as provided other resources for my body, mind & spirit.

A couple of days ago I created a six month plan for healthy foods. I assessed the foods I eat at home, the places I eat out & the willingness to modify my unhealthy patterns. My doctor recently shared I'm at risk for diabetes & hypertension. Initially I shrugged it off with my false male pride, however the reality began to sink in when my body was wearing down this spring. At 46 & counting, among other illnesses, I live with a compromised immune system. As such, I need to care for my temple with the grace of a mother's touch. In short: I got work to do.

Working out three times a week at a local gym for an hour gives me energy, keeps the blood circulating & alievates the isolation I sometimes experience as a single Black male. Walking in & around the city from time to time gives me an opportunity to see the big apple with my spiritual eye. On some days its nice to just sit in the park, observe nature & watch children play. Playing tennis periodically has been joyful, yet I seem to get exhausted quicker than I prefer. I told my doctor about it, complaining about allergic asthma, but she quickly said I was out of shape.

Women.

Eating healthy is fun for me now: something I enjoy rather than endure. Folks impulsively say its expensive to eat healthy, yet they never talk about the price their body pays for incurring preventable illnesses. Besides, it costs money to see a doctor. I've learned to eat small portions as I've matured. My body is never as hungry as I think it is. As much as I devoured fried and/or greasy foods (buffalo wings, french fries, gyros, lamb, polish sausages, i.e.), in the past, I welcome organic & vegetarian dishes just the same. Some of the spiritual principles I practice in order to achieve my goals include courage, discipline, faith, patience & tolerance. I'm grateful for these unexpected lessons of self-love.

Golden State Shocks Dallas in NBA Playoffs' First Round

In one of the most shocking upsets in NBA playoff history, the Golden State Warriors defeated the Dallas Mavericks, four games to two, in the opening round of the Western Conference series. Dallas was the #1 seed, heralded all year as heirs to the throne amidst their franchise best 67 game win season. At the All-Star break, experts gave them an outside chance of winning 70 games, a feat held only by the 1997 Chicago Bulls, who finished 72-10 en route to their memorable championship year. The Warriors, by comparison, had to win their final regular season game to make the playoffs.

During the regular season, Golden State won all three games in convincing fashion against Dallas, although in their last victory many Maverick starters were benched in order to rest for the first round. I was thrilled to watch each game. Most of the Warriors starters are young, gifted & black. Vice President Chris Mullin brought in Don Nelson to coach this year. He also traded for Baron Davis, Stephen Jackson & Al Harrington over the last two years to solidify an athletic squad that needed toughness to match their confidence. From the tip off the opening game, it was on.

Golden State played with a fearlessnesss I found fascinating. They ran up & down the court like the Phoenix Suns, a team Nelson played against when his Boston Celtics defeated them in a legendary '76 NBA Finals matchup. The Warriors solid team defense against Dirk Nowtitzki - whom many believe will cop his first NBA MVP trophy this year - was masterful. Their outside shooting was incredible, as Jason Richardson, Matt Barnes & Stephen Jackson drained threes with impunity.

Throughout the six game series, it just seemed like Golden State wanted to win, whereas Dallas expected to win. The Warriors were clearly hungry, playing as if they had something to prove: diving for loose balls, helping out on defense, taking charges in the lane; the Mavericks were always a step slower. After losing the first game at home by a lopsided margin, Dallas coach Avery Johnson changed the starting lineup, a point not lost on Hall-of-Famer & current TNT analyst Charles Barkley who openly criticized Johnson for changing a lineup that led them to a season high 67 wins.

We've learned through the bad boy example of the Detroit Pistons during their '89 & '90 title runs that defense wins championships. Also, the playoffs are about making adjustments. Dallas was unable to slow down & stop the torrid pace of the Warriors during the series. Each time the Mavericks went on a run, the Warriors matched their intensity. Many people will blame Nowitzki's lack of leadership & poor shooting for his team's untimely departure. As Barkely said, "when you're a star, if you when, you get all the credit, if you lose, you get all the blame, it's not right or wrong, that's just the way it is."

During the press conference following their game six loss on the road, a disappointed coach Johnson said his team became "jump shot happy," yet he humbly credited the Warriors organization for playing better team ball. Johnson spoke highly of Warriors guard Baron Davis, who was visibly injured in game six, yet showed courage, determination & heart in leading his team to their most important win in a quarter of a century. Golden State will play the Utah Jazz in the Western Conference semifinals. Can they repeat their success in the first round? We shall see.

Florida Gators Win Back-to-Back NCAA Titles

Behind arguably the best starting five in college hoops since Duke in '92, the Florida Gators made history by capturing back-to-back NCAA titles with a thrilling 84-75 victory over the resillient Ohio State Buckeyes. The Most Oustanding Player (MOP) of the tournament was Florida's guard/forward Corey Brewer, the most versatile player the league has seen in quite some time. Other standouts were center Al Horford, forward Joakim Noah & three-point shooting sensation, senior guard Lee Humphrey.

Florida coach Billy Donovan, when asked about his team's amazing season, said, "we have to rank right up there with some of the greatest teams in NCAA history." The last school to win back-to-back titles was Duke in '91 & '92, led by Grant Hill, Christian Laettner & Bobby Hurley, along with their heralded coach Mike Kryzezwski. The legendary John Wooden coached UCLA Bruins teams of Lew Alcindor & Bill Walton in the 60's have also won consecutive titles.

One of the more intriguing aspects of this season began when Brewer, Horford, Noah & guard Taurean Green - each of whom have famous athletic fathers - announced their willingness to return to the University of Florida for another year. Each of them were sophomores, driven by the pressure to go pro, make crazy money & receive lucrative endorsements, yet the group of close friends decided to stay & play for history.

After their crushing opening tournament win over Jackson State, Florida was thoroughly challenged by both Butler & Xavier before defeating last year's runner-up, UCLA, in an exciting overtime game. To reach the final game, Ohio State, led by super freshmans guard Mike Conley, Jr. & center Greg Oden, handily defeated North Carolina in overtime, thwarting Roy Williams' bid to take more than one team (in '88 he coached Kansas, led by Danny Manning, to a championship) to the Finals.

Ironically, at a teary-eyed press conference a couple of days after their monumental achievement, seniors Brewer, Green, Horford & Noah - flanked by coach Donovan - each declared their eligibility for the NBA draft in 2007. Donovan was courted by the University of Kentucky to lead their team to the promised land after Tubby Smith stepped down & signed a seven-year contract to coach the University of Minnesota. Donovan decided to stay on in Florida. In lieu of these events, the upcoming season of college basketball looms interesting. Stay tuned.

The Sean Bell Case: What Color is Murder?

Monday, March 19, 2007, three NYPD officers were indicted in the Sean Bell case, sending outrage to the Black & Latino community, as well as other progressive people in NYC, who are brutally murdered, racially profiled & sexually assaulted by New York's finest. Five NYPD officers shot 50 bullets & killed Sean Bell - an unarmed Black male - outside of a Queens nightclub on November 25, 2006, the eve of his wedding. Bell was attending a bachelor party with his best friends, Joseph Guzman & Timothy Bentfield, both of whom were hospitalized after also being wounded by NYPD bullets. The three men were in a car outside the club at the time of the fatal shooting.

Queens District Attorney Richard Brown gave the eight-count indictment charging detectives Michael Oliver, who fired 31 shots - at one point reloading his gun - along with Gerard Isona who fired 11 shots, with first-degree & second-degree manslaughter. Detective Marc Cooper, who fired four shots, faces a misdemeanor endangerment charge. The other two officers, who both fired shots, were not indicted, yet have been placed on desk duty along with their supervisor as the investigation continues.

The charges against Isona & Oliver are classified as violent felonies, with mandated jail time if the men are convicted. The maximum time for manslaughter is 25 years. Oliver was also charged with endangerment in connection with a bullet that went through the window of an occupied vehicle. All three officers were suspended without pay. Rev. Al Sharpton, spearheading the movement for justice with Bell's family, was visibly angered by the outcome of the grand jury. At a news conference, Sharpton said the indictment, "falls short of what we want. Clearly, all five officers should be charged; all officers acted in concert."

Grand jurors refused to indict on the more serious counts of second-degree murder & attempted murder, or the charge of criminally negligent homicide. Police have contended the five officers were involved in an undercover investigation at the nightclub when they overheard something leading them to believe the men were going to their car to retrive a gun. Yet, no weapons were found among Bell, Bentfield or Guzman. Two days before the grand jury convened, an anonymous source suggested he thought he saw a "Black male fire one or two shots," before fleeing the scene. The timing of his questionable testimony suspect, he was nonetheless heard by the grand jury.

In 1971, the brilliant author & historian Hoyt Fuller prophetically stated, "if you don't understand White Supremacy (Racism), how it works & what it does, then everything else you understand will only confuse you." I'm angry all five officers were not indicted. I'm angry Commissioner Ray Kelly still has a job. I'm angry Black public officials are silent on this issue. I have no faith in our criminal justice system, aptly named. The NYPD is not above the law. NYPD officers don't kill young, white boys, they kill young black, latino, asian and/or gay men with impunity. We demand justice for Sean Bell! God is watching.

Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who initially admitted the officers used "excessive force," though is now saying it was a statement made by "a civilian," acknowledged that some people would be disappointed in the grand jury's decision, which took less than 72 hours to deliberate. Bloomberg said, "we have to respect the result of our justice system...although a trial will decide whether crimes were committed in this case, day in & day out the NYPD does an incredible job under very difficult circumstances." In other words, the Mayor is trying to save his ass & his face & his job at the same time. Chuck D warned us, "don't believe the hype."

Some people are concerned the Bell case might be moved to a different venue - particularly in the wake of a presidential election year - similar to what happenned in the Amadou Diallo case in 1999. Diallo, an unarmed Ghanian immigrant, was murdered by 41 NYPD bullets in front of his apartment building. All four officers indicted were acquitted of any wrongdoing. I attended a rally highlighting the need for civilian justice & police accountability at Union Square yesterday, sponsored by a number of community-based organizations. I was pleased with the number of young people present, yet noticed a lack of media outlets, except Fox News, owned by Rupert Murdoch, whose contempt for Black people can be found on the front page of the New York Post, also owned by Murdoch. Alas, the saga continues...

Former NBA Star Tim Hardaway Hates Gay People: Why Should We Care?

A couple of weeks ago, former NBA all-pro guard Tim Hardaway, in a Dallas radio interview with a trusted writer, admitted he "hates gay people...don't trust them...wouldn't feel comfortable with them in the locker room and would ask for them to be traded." His comments angered, shocked & troubled many people, gay or otherwise, yet some said his brutal honesty was in alignment with the deepest sentiments of the average American. But why should we care?

Ironically, Hardaway's comments came just days after former NBA journeyman John Ameichi disclosed his gay identity with an ESPN reporter. Ameichi, the new author of a book detailing his basketball career & his struggles with self-acceptance, has since become the media spokesperson for everything good, bad or indifferent in the gay community. When asked how he felt about Hardaway's statements, he said, "thousands of people will be adversely affected." But why should we care?

The gay movement in America is younger than my aunt in Chicago. In the early 50's, a few white, male homosexuals sought to cultivate a sense of identity, pride & unity with their sexual politics. The word gay was adopted, yet the burgeoning economic, political & social power of the hugely successful movement becomes evident when a person says something deemed offensive - or commits a hate crime - toward anyone who identifies as gay, or sometimes, though not with as much tenacity, lesbian, most notably when you are white, or jewish.

Quite often, when an individual makes a statement, such as the ones echoed by Hardaway, they are immediately labeled as "homophobic." From my perspective, assigning the homophobic label to people is a function of white supremacy, in that the genesis of the gay identity is a Western social construct which does not benefit African-descended people who experience same sex desire. In fact, the term homophobia was created by a couple of gay, white male psychologists in the 70's to futher strengthen, both legally & socially, the gay movement, as well as punish people who appear, and/or are insensitive to homosexuals.

The root of homophobia is misogyny. Little boys are taught early on how wrong it is to be a little girl, as such, they're attacked by being called a bitch, coward, faggot, punk, sissy and/or weak. This type of humiliation scars boys as they move forward into adulthood because the resulting manhood anxiety is neither addressed nor resolved. I contend emotional abuse, when experienced in this harmful context, is sexual abuse. Some men never recover from their trauma.

Unfortunately, since homosexuality in America has historically been framed from a gay, white male lens - or pair of Dolce & Gabbana shades - the construct is rarely deconstructed in a national forum from a cultural context. American anti-homosexual perspectives are rooted in familial contempt, religious dogma & social stigma. I was born into a large family, yet we never talked about sex: bi, hetero or homo. I have six brothers & sisters...its obvious somebody was fucking, ok? Largely because of the dysfunctional model I was given, I surmised sex was a secret. When I talk to my friends, we generally share the same stories of not talking about sex, with anyone, even the person you have sex with.

Hardaway has since apologized for his unkind remarks. I don't believe a word of it. He said exactly how he felt & now we're supposed to believe, in less than 48 hours, otherwise? I don't think so. Usually folks will play the free speech card when someone goes against the grain. What's important is that we begin to engage each other in honest, open dialogue, especially when the issue is uncomfortable. We should care because his comments, though perhaps unintended, offer an opportunity for people to express themselves freely, even when someone's feelings will be hurt. As a trusted hetero male friend said to me a few weeks ago, "the truth will piss you off before it sets you free."

My mother taught me God don't make mistakes, people do. Hardaway is a hue-man being, subject to the same fears, insecurities & shortcomings many of us have, whether we admit them or not. As the sexy Teddy Pendergrass once sang, "you can't hide from yourself, everywhere you go, there you are." We should care because America, like it or not, offers certain freedoms other countries continue to kill each other for. Mistakes are opportunities for learning. I suggest we extend compassion & forgiveness to Hardaway. And the next time someone says something homophobic, tell 'em , Hardaway told you so.

Super Bowl 41 Has Two Winners This Year

The Indianapolis Colts, led by MVP quarterback Payton Manning, defeated the Chicago Bears, 29-17, to win Super Bowl XLI. In the spirit of African Heritage Month, history was made as Tony Dungy became the first African-descended coach to win the coveted Vince Lombardi trophy. Dungy's counterpart & good friend, Lovie Smith, joined him in the record books as the only African-descended head coaches to vie for the NFL championship. Additionally, Dungy is the only the third athlete to both play & coach on a winning team.

As a Chicago native, my heart was with the Bears, who, under Smith's calm & confident tutelage, have engineered back to back playoff seasons. Before the season started, I boldly predicted both teams would face-off for the big dance. I was well aware of the powerful cultural significance this could represent, though I suspected most of the media, as well as both coaches, would minimize their hue by suggesting, "they just happen to be black." Does Tom Landry, Chuck Noll or Bill Walsh just happen to be white? I don't think so...Malcolm X once said, "Black people are the only people in this country who are expected to lose their identity."

Some folks - not among them Cornel West - lamented how they'd long for the day when race wouldn't matter. As Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. eloquently shared in his historic 'I Have A Dream' speech, "I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judge by the color of their skin but by the content of their character." Well, my father, born the day before Dr. King, once told me America is a lie. A big lie: my father does not benefit from lying to his son about something so fundamental as our right to self-preservation, the first law of nature.

I love sports. My favorite sporting events to watch include basketball, boxing, soccer, tennis & track & field. Admittedly, football became more interesting as the playoffs rolled around the corner. On many Sundays it was simply an escape from my non-existent social life. Both the Bears & the Colts started the season with nine consecutive wins. In fact, the current Chicago team was being compared to the '86 Super Bowl squad which featured future hall-of-famer, the late, great Walter Payton, a ferocious defense coordinated by Buddy Ryan, their 'spunky qb' Jim McMahon & a fiery coach & current ESPN commentator Mike Ditka, who preceded Dungy as a Super Bowl player/coach victor.

When both teams eventually lost their first game of the season, the pressure to go undefeated was released from a white society obsessed with perfection (read: blond hair/blue eyes). The Bears finished the season 14-2, despite the media tormenting of quarterback Rex Grossman, who was publicly lauded by Smith, a loyal man hellbent on riding Grossman as far as the season would take him. Meanwhile, the Colts, led by a potent offense & gritty defense, were constantly being questioned about Manning's place in history because he's never taken them to the promised land.

The game began with Bears all-pro rookie sensation Devin Hester running back the opening kickoff 92 yards for a touchdown, a Super Bowl record as no game started in such dynamic fashion. The Colts later responded with a touchdown strike from Manning to all-pro wide receiver Reggie Mayne, no longer in the shadows of his all-pro teammate wide receiver Marvin Harrison. This year, the talented tandem became the first pair of receivers to finish the season with over 1000 receiving yards & 10 touchdowns. Manning was shaky in the first half, but recovered to lead his squad to a satisfying win, as the Bears offense was unable to penetrate the Colts' spirited defense.

I'd like to see a Super Bowl where the opposing quarterback are both African-descended men. A couple of years ago, current Baltimore Ravens shotcaller Steve McNair led the Tennessee Titans to the AFC Championship game against the New England Patriots. Though he gave a valiant effort, he ended a Montana-like drive one yard short of victory. Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb would go on to the title game, only lose to Patriots qb Tom Brady, who has three Super Bowl rings in his young, but highly celebrated career. Will it be Vince Young? Byron Leftwich? Charlie Batch? Only time will tell. Alas, I'll be home watching...trusting my ancestors to see me safely home, or, at least, to sleep.

Fasting Is A Way of Life

About eight years ago, I became intrigued with the idea of fasting. There is much ignorance & plenty of fear regarding fasting in the west, particularly in a society obsessed with fast foods, microwave ovens & George Foreman grills. Though I knew few people who were proficient & very little about what to expect, I proceeded to fast on my own, without assistance or understanding, for three consecutive days.

My diet consisted of orange juice, vegetable juice, tomato juice, citrus juice, water, grapes, raisins, bananas, granola bars & trail mix. I experienced dizziness, headaches, nausea & other unpleasant sensations throughout the three days. After the three days was complete, I rewarded myself with two pieces of Popeye's Chicken, a biscuit, an order of fries & a sprite. In less than 15 minutes I was in the bathroom, on the floor, calling r-a-l-p-h. I felt horrible. What's the lesson? Live & let live.

I shared this disaster with a couple of people who have some experience fasting & they suggested I re-think my approach. I swallowed my pride, along with feelings of embarrasment, guilt & shame, in order to get the help I needed. Six months later, while pretending to shop for canteloupes at a market in my neighborhood, I summoned the courage to ask a woman for help. My 97 year-old great grandmother used to tell me as a kid, "the lord works in mysterious ways." I was frightened by her convictions, yet as an adult I've come to develop a loving relationship with the God of my understanding; as such, I sense when one of his angels, like this woman, is in my midst.

She was also preparing for a fast. We bonded quickly, exchanging numbers & agreed to talk soon about my next attempt at fasting. I called her & immediately felt comfortable, important, safe: she had my best interest at heart. Usually when someone tells me something I don't know - or, better yet, something I think I should know - I get defensive, feel inadequate & obsess about why I'm lacking the information. Yeah, I got more issues than Jet Magazine. After our thirty minute phone conversation I was ready to make my second attempt at fasting.

One of the most important lessons I learned is how to prepare for the fast, as well as how to break the fast. Of course, I never considered these two essential elements primarily because I wanted to prove I could do something well without anyone's help. Maybe one day (sigh) I will grow up. But I digress. I learned the importance of adequate rest, drinking proper liquids, getting fresh air, not engaging in strenuous labor & socializing with others who respect my goals. As a result, I was able to grow & mature in my practice, which I decided would be twice a year, once in the summer & the other time during the Kwanzaa season.

Over the years, I've increased the length of my fasts from three to seven to 10 to 14 days. I've added a series of colonics to further eliminate the poisons, toxins & wastes I tend to pollute my body with because of my compulsive, gluttonous & self-indulgent habits. Despite my athletic frame, I have a weight problem. I can't wait to eat. I eat when I'm not hungry, I eat when I'm sleepy, I eat when I'm bored, I eat when I'm angry, I eat because you eat, I eat because its free, I eat because its there...well, you get the picture right? Right?

Last week, a trusted friend & yoga instructor loaned me a book entitled, Rational Fasting for Physical, Mental & Spiritual Rejuvenation by Arnold Ehret. I'd shared my struggles & successes over the years with him about fasting, letting him know I was about to begin another ten day fast. He shared the Indian philosophy of fasting as a way of life, along with a mucus-less diet (another book by the same author) & daily meditation. My grateful spirit conjured up the image of Sophia from The Color Purple as she rocked back & forth in her chair at the famous dinner table scene saying, "When I seended you I knew der is a God...der is a God."

This book changed my perspective completely! I had to read it over & over & over again because I wanted to be sure I fully understood the beliefs, concepts & strategies set forth. I was about to undergo yet another transformation. I learned fasting for ten days twice a year is neither practical nor spiritual. I learned I could fast for one or two days with just water, while adding lemonade & a tatse of brown sugar or honey to my light diet. I learned to rise out of bed slowly. I learned it was ok to stay in bed as long as my body deemed apprporiate for rest (not to be confused with laziness). I learned fasting for 3-6 days at a time, on & off throughout the year will benefit the body, mind & spirit.

I learned to take a laxative a few times before bedtime during the fast. I learned I could eat as much as I wanted to after the first meal breaking the fast. I learned to not listen to 99 percent of the people who have opinions & prejudices & theories about fasting. I learned I could end my current ten day fast after six days because it was simply doing the right thing for the reason. I learned the process of fasting is expected to be a generally unpleasant enounter, yet its efficacy offers a sense of joy, serenity & vitality beyond compehension! In the words of the Godfather of Soul, James Brown, "I feel good."

Rally For Sean Bell: Justice or Just Us?

This past Thursday afternoon, December 21, 2006, I attended a rally for Sean Bell, the 23 year-old African-descended male who was brutally murdered by the NYPD in his Queens hometown in late November of this year. Bell was engaged to be married & his fiancee is carrying his child, a child who'll never experience the love of his father. Two of his best friends were also shot & subsequently hospitalized that fateful day, as the men were coming from a nightclub the police were apparently staking out.

The rally, one of several this month, was strategically held in front of the Chase Building in the Wall Street area of New York City. At a press conference, attorney Roger Wareham laid out for us all the role JP Morgan Chase has played in the enslavement of African people since their inception. In fact, an African-descended female attorney in Washington, DC is suing a number of corporations - chief among them JP Morgan Chase - for reparations, as they've capitalized on the dehumanization, exploitation & unpaid labor of African people.

I arrived early & spotted some other folks who were looking for the designated gathering place. When we saw the huge red, green & black flag defiantly being waved in the area, we knew we were in the right place. A small, yet diverse trickle of folks carrying banners, holding placards & waving signs assembled peacefully. There was a plethora of media people emerging. I was struck by the large contingent of new york's finest: cops were everywhere; someone mentioned snipers were seen on the roof of an adjacent building. I looked up & saw helicopters swirling around, yet I was excited to be among my people. I felt a sense of belonging. I was at the right place for the right reason. We wanted justice for our fallen brotha.

Sean Bell was shot 50 times. One of the cops shot him 31 times & reloaded (!) his gun in the process. I'd like to know what purpose did 50 shots serve? My understanding of the law states three shots are sufficient when trying to apprehend a suspected criminal. But neither Bell nor his two buddies are criminals & they had no drugs, guns or weapons in their possession. It was later reported the alcohol level of Bell was twice above the legal drinking limit for a driver. Also, the officers, who claim they identified themselves before shooting, something both of Bell's friends categorically deny, had two alcoholic drinks as well, which the law allows for, even in the course of duty.

Historically, the relationship between young, Black men & the NYPD is corrupted by anxiety, fear, mistrust, rage & violence. When we think of Bell, immediately the names of Amadou Diallo, Abner Louima, Peter Desmond & Timothy Griffith come to mind. White police officers in NYC do not get indicted or prosecuted for the shooting and/or killing of young, African-descended men. Some of them have actually received promotions for their work in the new age of terrorism. One need not take a bar exam to conclude our lives are not valued in this society.

The prevailing attitudes of the NYPD has enraged our community. Yet, despite the extra police in the subway or on the street, many of us don't feel safe in our own neighborhoods. Our sense, or lack thereof, of outrage leaves much to be desired. Hundreds of folks showed up for the two hour, thirty minute rally. Our goal was to shut Wall Street down. Why? NYC is the money capital of the world: money talks & bullshit walks. As abolitionist/freedom frighter Frederick Douglass noted, "power never conceded anything without a demand...it never has & it never will." Again, we demand justice, the indictment & prosecution of the officers who shot the three men, as well as the firing of Police Commissioner Ray Kelly & his Deputy Manager.

Interestingly enough, at a press conference during the night of the deadly shooting, Mayor Michael Bloomberg admitted the officers' behavior was "excessive," though he later tried to recant his candor by saying "we have to wait until all of the facts are in." When public officials are at odds in the media, especially when race is involved, the tension raises the ire of an already traumatized community. In the interim, the NYPD unsuccessfully tried to justify their killing by seeking a "fourth party witness." There was no fourth man. Brooklyn Councilman Charles Barron fiery stated at the rally's press conference, "we are sick & tired of our young men being killed...so don't blame me when our people don't act non-violent anymore."

I met a spirited 62 year-old African-descended man who told me he's been "marching in the streets since the days of Selma & trust me, I've seen it all." He proudly shared a few stories with me throughout the day. I listened intently, because I was raised, unlike many in the current generation, to respect my elders. People from all walks of life participated, though the rally was primarily made up of African-descended people. Another rally is being planned for the afternoon of Monday, January 29, 2007 in front of the United Nations Building. I intend to be there. What happenned to Sean Bell could happen to me. As one of my childhood heroes Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., prophetically once said, "an injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."

This Writer's Block: Real or Imagined?

Its been nearly two months (sigh) since I've written in my blog. There have been a number of interesting & provocative subjects to ponder, yet my ongoing depression got me shook, much like Mobb Deep - who are down with the 50 Cent/G-Unit crew - though not for the same reason. I feel guilty for not doing that which brings me great joy. I'm still very passionate about the written word. I just don't have the energy to write about anything.

Last week I was inspired to write a poem about the death of Michael Sandy, a Black, gay male interior designer who was hit by a car, in addition to being robbed & assaulted in Brooklyn by four white teenagers in the midst of a homosexual encounter gone astray. I was duly inspired by the New York Mets & the New York Yankees, who tied for the best record in the majors this summer, yet didn't advance to the current World Series, tied at a game apiece between two Midwestern ballclubs, the Detroit Tigers & the St. Louis Cardinals.

When the media reported that enigmatic Dallas Cowboys wide reciever Terrell Owens attempted suicide by overdosing on painkillers, I wanted to express my empathy for him & outrage towards the racist press who sought to further demonize a rich, successful Black male athlete - clearly troubled - without exploring and/or trying to understand the exact nature of how his depression, mistrust of others & valued privacy affects his decision making.

I thought about critiquing the powerful independent thriller, Shadowboxer, starring Cuba Gooding, Jr., and Helen Mirren. The film was directed by Lee Daniels, a Black, gay male who won critical acclaim after Halle Berry became the first Black woman to win an Oscar for best actress in Monster's Ball, his directorial debut. I wanted to write about the shocking revelations of former Arizona Cardinals linebacker Pat Tillman's death, at the unsuspecting, albeit innocent, hands of his army peers, though Tillman has been decorated in the media as a hero for serving his country.

Last week I received a letter informing me of a recent New York State audit of city use of AIDS enhanced housing rental assistance funds. As a result of this audit, there will be an increase in the amount of money clients pay toward rent & a decrease in the amount of money clients are allowed to keep. Apparently, the goal is to bring HASA benefits in line with New York State standards for public assistance. What's the 411? If you currently receive SSI, SSD, Veteran's Benefits or are employed, you can ONLY retain $330.00 per month for food, clothing, transportation & other items. How do I feel? These muhfuhs are crazy!

Anyway, I feel better making an attempt, feeble though it may be, to get the creative juices flowing once again. Truth is, I feel stagnant professionally. I was offered a unique opportunity to write an article in the November edition of ESSENCE, but the fashion editor changed her mind & did it herself. I hate her. My current editor at POZ Magazine keeps giving me the run around about supporting a new column from me. I hate him. Saving money is not happening in this lifetime. My periodic dates with men are nothing to write home about. I will never see the age of 45. One of my nieces is seven months pregnant (for the first time in her life) & I've yet to call & see how she's handling this responsibility at the tender age of 19. In fact, today is her earth day. Perhaps I will call her before the day is over.

An Ode To Dana Rose

Last week I received word from a former co-worker about the recent transition of Rev. Dana Rose. Rev. Rose, or 'miss Dana' if you're nasty, was one of the most compassionate hue-man beings I've ever known. He was Black, male & homosexual, giving service wth a smile (sometimes shade) wherever he went. I'd see him periodically walking alone in various parts of NYC & woud stop to chat for a moment. I hadn't talked to him in years, but was aware he was suffering from diabetes, as he was losing sight in one of his eyes. I understand some members of ADODI & GMAD are planning a homecoming for him, one I intend to be present to.

I met Dana at a bereavement group in the fall of '96. He served as facilitator, though worked in many counseling capacities at the, then, Lesbian & Gay Center on West 13th Street in the village. The name has been changed to access bisexuals & transgenders, as well as engendering power to women, thus the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Services Center. But I digress.

On April 12, 1996, my longtime partrner of nearly 18 years, Bernard Brown, died of the disease of addiction in Chicago, my hometown. I was much too distraught to attend the funeral. In fact, I was rather numb for months. My therapist suggested I seek group counseling to heal. When it comes to dealing with pain, apathy & denial are part of my history. I finally decided to go because the pain of not going was uncomfortable.

Initially there were 15 folks in the eight-week group. After a few weeks, as usually is the case with support groups of any kind, the number dwindled down to a core group of eight or nine. Folks were grieving the loss of their parents, friends & animals. We bonded quickly, primarily because of Dana, whose love, respect & sensitivity centered us. He utilized spiritual principles in a non-traditional setting, as well as art, dance, gospel music & poetry. Dana affirmed our loss when we shared our pain, imparting wisdom I've never forgotten, "healing can only take place in community, it can never take place in isolation."

The universe is a better place because of the spirit of Rev. Dana Rose.

Rev. Rose is a beloved member of ADODI, a group celebrating 20 years (this summer) of serving African descended men who experience same sex desire. He's worked with various community-based & nonprofit organizations in NYC, NJ, Philadelphia & Washington, DC such as CHOICES, GMAD, Harlem United, POCC, SAGE & Us Helping Us. Rev. Rose was everywhere anyone needed him. His humility, integrity & kindness are rare qualities in a society obsessed with looking good than feeling good. I am a better hue-man being as a result of our evolving relationship, one that transcended the profession to the person.

When he walked into the room, we would just look at each other & crack up. Dana has that old school soul, but every now & then he'd cut up on somebody in a light, non-malicious way. I remember working at the old GMAD office on West 14th Street during a Friday Night Forum, when he whispered into my ear after someone came in late, "who that bitch think she he is?" I knew he intended no harm, but my stomach was in knots because it was a line you'd usually hear from an aunt or grandmother. He'd make me laugh & not feel guilty about it. I loved that about him.

Dana embraced his masculine & feminine energy in a non-pretentious, refreshing way. He wasn't bound by racist, Western social constructs as many folks are today. He was a Yoruba priest, immersed in West African customs & traditions. He became the first openly gay - a term I don't like - Archdiocese of New Jersey at a church whose name I don't recall because I got CRS (can't remember shit, that's my story & I'm sticking to it, ok?). But he was not one to impose his will on others. He was comfortable in his/her skin, though some makeup would've truly sufficed, chile.

I loved me some Dana Rose. He affirmed my sexuality, inspired my creativity & nurtured my inner child, especially when the little boy would start acting out. Dana would say, "don't start none, won't be none." Whenever I'd get short with him, he'd go Jill Scott on me, pretending to take off his earrings, put down his purse & pour on the vaseline - as only a Black woman from the 'hood would do. We would start swinging in the air at each other, channeling the little girls inside of us & folks would be like, what is wrong with these two? But that's how free he made me feel. Free to be all of me, not my representative.

Deepak Chopra once said, "healing is the natural tendency to restore balance when it is lost." Though I recently turned 46 years old, I'm still healing old wounds. I'm eternally grateful to the God of my understanding for placing miss Dana in my path. We were, indeed, kindred spirits. We understood each other. He had the courage to care. I respect him for caring. His heart was illuminating. His intelligence was stimulating. His trust was breathtaking. The energy of Rev. Dana Rose is divinely inspired. He was fierce!

Is There Intimacy On The Internet?

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Miami Heat Wins 2006 NBA Finals

In what was arguably the most competitive & exciting NBA Finals series since the Boston-LA era of the 80's, the Miami Heat emerged victorious over the Dallas Mavericks in game six, 95-92, to win their first, ever championship. Ironically, the Mavericks, led by Coach of the Year, Avery Johnson, had never lost four games in a row this year. Coach Pat Riley, the team's general manager who took over from Stan Van Gundy early in the season, said it best after the team's momentous triumph, "it was our time."

The MVP of the NBA Finals was Heat guard Dwayne Wade, who emerged as a bonafide superstar. Wade averaged over 34 points during the series, third best among players in their first NBA final, behind Rick Barry & Allen Iverson, but ahead of hall of famers Michael Jordan & Jerry West. In his usual humble manner, upon receiving the trophy, he dedicated it to his coaches, teammates & family. Wade, in just his third year with the Heat, was encouraged by another young superstar, LeBron James, after Dallas won the first two games in Dallas rather convincingly. What advice did King James impart? He simply said, "be aggressive, drive to the basket, get to the line & play your game."

Heat center Shaquille O'Neal, who came to Miami in a trade involving several players, was the first to pull the 24 year-old Chi-town native, take him under his wing & set the stage for what has become a changing of the guard between a seasoned veteran & mature youngster. O'Neal has three rings from his three-peat success in LA. He told Wade he expected nothing less than another championship ring or two from the tandem. When O'Neal was not in foul trouble, he was effective. But it was their supporting cast & bench who carried them through adversity.

Starters Udonis Haslem, Antoine Walker & Jayson Williams were steady throughout the series. Alonzo Mourning, Gary Payton & James Posey were magnificent off the bench, particularly in the final game, when they rallied from 13 down in the second quarter to take a 49-48 lead into the locker room at halftime in a hostile Dallas environment. In the late 80's, the bad boys of Detroit taught us defense wins championhips. Zoe finished with five blocks & six rebounds, Posey's defense of MVP candidate Dirk Nowitzki was outstanding & Payton matched the Dallas guards' intensity when he was on the court.

Riley, affectionately known by his players as 'Riles' spoke highly of "the 15 strong on this team." In fact, in a move which paralelled his '88 title defense as LA head coach, on June 8 he told his team they'd be victorious on June 20: the date they clinched the title. No one expected Miami to get past 2004 NBA Champions & last year's finalist Detroit Pistons in the Eastern Conference series. But as Houston Rockets coach Rudy Tomjanovich poignantly remarked after his team - defeating a, then, young Shaq's Orlando Magic squad - repeated in 1995, "never underestimate the heart of a champion."

I enjoyed every game of the finals series. Dallas, severely hampered in game five due to a controversial suspension of Jerry Stackhouse when he gave a hard foul to Shaq in game four, played the opening quarter of game six the way they did the first two games. They passed efficiently, ran when they had an edge, spaced the floor & tore the roof off with their blistering shooting pace. Nowitzki & Terry were big in the first quarter, hitting from all parts of the court, giving Miami little time to set up their excellent team defensive strategies.

As Payton, Posey & Zoe entered the game in the second quarter, those easy shots became harder to fall because the Mavericks' players were looking at fresh feet, long arms & outsretched hands. One of the themes of the series was the many times both teams would go on runs of ten, or twelve unanswered points, only to have a time out stop their flow. Both coaches made adjustments as the game resembled a chess match of athletic ability & tenacious teamwork. In the end, it was the resillience of the Heat, whose uncanny combination of fiery youngsters & mature veterans hit clutch free throws, forced turnovers & induced Nowitzki to a woeful fourth quarter shooting percentage.

Summer Fast and Spiritual Fuel

The time has come for my summer fast, a ritual I began about eight years ago. Though I didn't know what to expect or how I would do it, I believed I could be successful, provided I became willing to make certain sacrifices. As a native Chi-town brotha raised on grease, sugar, pork & chocolate, the idea of going without certain foods for an extended peiord of time initially created anxiety & worry. Still, I was determined to enhance the quality of my emotional, physical & spiritual well-being by simply trying something different.

I remember the first time I tried to fast. My, then, therapist, a spiritual heterosexual woman I respected immensely, suggested fasting for three days. I took her suggestion & proceeded to drink only water, apple juice, orange juice, tomato juice, vegetable juice & lemonade. I ate no solid foods at all, but I snacked on apples, bananas, oranghes & raisins. I experienced headaches, disorientation, fatigue & nausea. After the third day was complete, in a mad rush to reward myself, I went straight to Popeye's Chicken & ordered some chicken, fries & biscuits.

What the hell was I thinking? I immediately threw up the food & had diarrhea. I was in the bathroom, on the floor, calling Ralph, again. Not a pretty picture. Clearly, this was not part of the plan, but I've always been a self-motivated, prideful brotha given to extremes. Looking back, I can only laugh at my mistakes, but I've since learned to do quality research, talk to experienced folks & get help for my personal dietary concerns, goals & needs.

One particular summer I was shopping in my favorite market on 110th & Broadway - which has moved to the upper west side - for cantaloupe. Spirit instructed me to ask the woman in front of me for some guidance. Seems she was also fasting. God is everywhere! She talked to me about preparing for the fast at least one to two weeks in advance, as well as breaking the fast slowly, ideally with salads & steamed vegetables. This patient & pleasant woman was definitely an angel.

As I learned to strive for progress, not perfection, I began to fast for three days, seven days, ten days & even (just once) 14 days. It was suggested not to tak about the fast (with everyone I know), but did I take heed? No. I have a magnanimous ego & wanted everybody to know what I was doing. Sometimes my image is more important than my integrity. Fasting is essentially about caring, discipline, humility, love & self-respect. My body is a temple. I have the personal responsibility of treating my body with compassion.

But how often should I fast? What time of the year would be prudent? What are the real, tangible benefits of fasting? I talked with a friend who says she fasts four times a year. I'm competitive & felt compelled to do what she was doing. However, in order to keep things simple, I ultimately decided to fast twice a year, once in the summer & the other time during the Kwanzaa season, which affirms me culturally.

This summer was no exception - today is day five - but I've developed a nasty cough & sore throat along the way. I went to the health food store in my neighborhood & consulted the clerk, a young Mexican guy, who has been useful to me before. I told him I was snacking (don't ask why) on organic popcorn & he suggested my cough could be traced to the oil in the popcorn. He said I probably have something stuck in my throat, which I experienced with much discomfort yesterday afternoon (!). God is awesome. I bought some organic cough syrup, along with organic cough drops, in addition to a bag of dates, which I've never tried, but he told me about a customer who successfully fasts for ten days on juice & dates.

When I get sick, I'm not a pleasant person. I tend to be irritable, rebellious & sarcastic. Also, I hate the sound of the phone ringing because I resent people who insist on trying to engage me in conversation, or go on & on with their psycho-drama, after I tell them I'm not feeling well. Why do people do that? My mother rasied me to be kind, polite & courteous, so I also tend to let people go on a bit. I've learned to look the world in the eye with neither aggressiveness nor fear. I can still get my spiritual needs met, no matter how I'm feeling or what is going in my life.

I was concerned about eating chicken noodle soup in the middle of my fast, worried I'd throw up again like I did with the Popeye's Chicken many years ago. The attentive young clerk suggested not to eat the soup. Spirit said, get a second opinion. And I did. I called the nurse at my hospital & she said it was ok. I felt relief simply by asking for help. She also suggested drinking some broth, which I already have. I know God is with me while I'm challenged at this moment. I will persevere.

Dance With My Surgeon

I awakened to good spirits amidst a beautiful sun on Saturday, April 15. Though not a New York Mets fan, I had two free tickets to their afternoon game against the Milwaukee Brewers. It was early, around 10:30 or so in the morning, as I dressed to get ready for the game. While putting on my black & white addidas shoes, I felt an excrutiatingly familiar pain underneath my right knee. No matter how hard I tried, I was unable to straighten out my leg & feared being immobilized - again.

Five years ago the same injury occurred.

When the doorbell rang, I was too embarrassed to hop to the door in order to open it. I suspected it was Greg, the young man I've been mentoring for four years, because I was taking him to the Mets game & asked him to come by at 11:00 am. Still, I didn't want him to see me in pain. Sometimes my image is more important than my integrity. I don't like being vulnerable.

Damn, I thought, I won't be able to take Greg to the game & he'll be disappointed in me: I'm going to let another person down in my life. I felt guilty. useless. As is the case whenever I'm stressed out, I began to worry. I was worried about my part-time job at BMX-NY, the CLIK Magazine publisher who I have to call & subsequently cancel the lead story (my first such writing opportunity) I was working on, the people I asked to do an H&I presentation with on Monday evening on behalf of Narcotics Anonymous, my NA home group which I chair every Wednesday night, my parents, my friends...all this energy flooded my consciousness before I got to the door. I struggled with the fear of the unknown.

Greg was obviously surprised by the look on my face as I opened the door & asked him to dial 911. He obliged as I struggled back to my living room futon to rest my painful leg. They arrived about 20 minutes later, one Black male, one white male, both willing to help me through this ordeal. Unlike many folks in America, I thank God I have adequate health insurance to cover the cost of my ER visit. I was placed in a wheelchair & taken to St. Luke's Hospital on 113th Street east of Amsterdam Avenue. It was difficult for me to accommodate the X-Ray technician, but I did the best I could.

Fortunately, no broken bones were discovered. Through grace, neither was my spirit. I was encouraged to come back for an MRI, given a prescription for Moltrin, two uncomfortable crutches & an orthopedist appointment. I just wanted to go home & lay down. I dreaded all the responsible phone calls & e-mails I needed to make, yet I've learned, as I've gotten older, the world revolves around the sun, not me. In situations like this, what often helps me is a combination of faith & perspective. I continued to pray for God's will as the day wore on, trusting He would see me through, as always.

I've been wanting to write about this ongoing experience for days, but, among other things, I struggle with moderate depression. As such, my energy level & motivation has shifted. Of course, not getting paid at my job or six weeks doesn't help either, but that's another column. When this occurred five years ago, I lacked medical insurance, primarily because I was unwilling to pay the premiums offered by my, then, employer's carrier; also, as the descendant of enslaved Africans, I want reparations. I have a sense of entitlement & feel Medicaid, which was inactive, should pick up the cost, by any means necessary.

Being homebound is no picnic. Every day seemed to drag into the next. I felt miserable & was ashamed to be honest about it with myself, or the many friends who lovingly offered their care & concern each day. I am irritable when dealing with illness. I become aloof, indifferent & sarcastic. I tend to isolate. I don't want to be bothered at all. by nobody. in fact, the sound of the telephone becomes cathedral-like. I'm reminded of the Sammy Davis, Jr. play, "Stop The World I Want To Get Off." Seems I've never outgrown the self-centerdness of the child...

Last Thursday afternoon I returned to St. Luke's Hospital for an MRI. I could've gotten it done the same day as my Tuesday morning orthopedist appointment, but I had to remove my eyebar, which I didn't want to do, because I'm rebellious. What? That's my story & I'm sticking to it, ok? Okay. I tried to take it off with my fingers which didn't work. I tried to cut it off with a pair of scissors which hurt me even more. I was prepared to hop to the tattoo joint on 125th Street near the Apollo Theater, instead, I called my hip lesbian friend Gloria - who has more piercings than Dennis Rodman - asking for the help I knew she could give me. She suggested putting on some rubber gloves to twist the cap off, which worked for me right away. Why didn't I think of that? Whatever.

I had the foresight to ask one of my sponsees to accompany me to the hospital. James was amicable the whole time. I appreciated his willingess to "be there for me." We waited around 30 minutes or so. I was impatient & tense. You hear so many different stories about what does or does not happen. When they called my name, I said the serenity prayer. As I entered the MRI room, heard the various noises & looked at the ominous machine, I began to feel like a visitor to Lost In Space: "danger Will Robinson, danger Will Robinson." Yeah, I watch too much damn tv. been damaged. programmed. traumatized.

I was greeted by a friendly, handsome Latino brotha who smiled brightly at me & assured me everything was going to be alright. Of course, I thought he wanted me, but I think every man does. I got issues, ok? Okay. Anyway, I noticed this thin, rather slinky-looking conveyor belt. I was expected to climb aboard & strap in like a mummy. Oh, hell no! Shaneequa was ready to come out & go ghetto. for real though. But I'm much too spiritual for that these days, so I laid on my back - a familiar position - closed my eyes & prayed to God for His guidance & direction.

The machine moved slower than the local 1 train. I was too afraid to open my eyes, yet being the curious Leo I am, I did & observed most of my body inside the machine & my head outside. I felt trapped, not like R. Kelly, but more like an MTV reality show contestant, if you know what I mean. You don't? Too bad, ok? Okay. A couple of folks, as well as the annoying Black female receptionist (she was popping that gum like it was an instrument) told me the procedure would take 30 minutes or so. Undaunted, I asked papi who said, "no more than 20 minutes, maybe 15, if all goes well."

What did he mean if all goes well?

Anyway, the whole thing took about ten minutes. I was uncomfortable, yet felt eerily safe. Prayer does that for you; well, for me it does. This afternoon I went back for the results & was told I have a miniscus tear, as the orthopedist suggested. I was encouraged to get arthroscopic surgery, which I'm open to. The doctor told me the procedure is painless & takes less than 45 minutes to complete. He said I'd be in & out of the hospital the same day, but I need medical clearance from my primary care physician first. Perhaps all that time spent watching endless episodes of ER will serve me?

What a relief to know what really is happening to me! I'm addicted to certainty. The feeling of uncertainty is not pleasant. To my surprise & delight, I'm not afraid. I've never been hospitalized, or operated on - a source of pride - in my almost 46 years of existence on the planet. My faith in God is stronger than ever before. I have friends who care for me. Though its difficult for me to get around, I'm making swift & steady progress. I'm unable to run for a bus or from my emotions. Instead, I'm going to dance with a surgeon & its all good. You see, the ancestors have taught me well: I will heal, prosper & survive. Ache.

Affirming James

March 10 was the earth day of my younger brother, James. Hard to believe it, though I know we're just two years apart, but he's 43 years old now. Over the past decade, I've made a commitment to recognizing family members' earth days by calling them & communicating with them. Of course, I get frustrated with myself when I forget one person & end up not calling anybody for the whole year. OK. I got issues. And?

I used to be mad at James because he didn't call me. Every time we ended our periodic conversation I'd say, "don't be a stranger." He'd mumble something about making a better effort to call me. Months would go by & no phone call. I felt hurt, neglected, unimportant. Perhaps my expectations are not realistic, given he has a wife & three sons. But I love my younger brother & miss his presence. I haven't seen him since Clinton was in office.

Anyway, since I'm purposely making this a short entry, we had a wonderful conversation. Maybe I'll get a cance to see him before he goes off to South Korea in December. Money is a barrier for me. I invited him to NYC many times,alas, to no avail. I trust we will reunite, as it were, sooner than later. I've always looked to my brother for strength & guidance. His emotional stability is attractive, inspiring & valued.

Dave Chapelle on OPRAH: Stress, Success and a Much Needed Rest

An episode of last week's OPRAH was particularly intriguing. Comedian Dave Chappelle - amidst media controversy & speculative rumors suggesting he was smoking crack and/or in a mental institution - sat down w/ Winfrey to set the record straight. This was the first television interview since his self-imposed sabbatical from his award-winning comedy show on the Comedy Network cable channel.

Towards the end of his second season, he was offered a record $50 million contract. But when was the last time a Black male comedian was given THAT kind of money w/ out puppet strings? Malcolm X once suggested a Black man who is not paranoid needs to think again about life in America. As Chappelle aptly noted, "when people give you a lot of money they have a vested interest in controlling you."

Three years ago the Comedy Network toiled in obscurity. Along came a bright, funny, political Black male comic, in the tradition of Dick Gregory, Richard Pryor & Chris Rock, who ultimatelty revived the network in its very first season. The "Chappelle Show," quickly became an underground success. His brash, unapologetic take on class, race & sexuality was embraced across the cultural divide. The ratings for the "Chappelle Show," reached number one amongst all programming on that cable channel.

Chappelle, much like Arsenio Hall, embraced the best of hip hop culture every week. He prominently featured Black affirming artists including Erykah Badu, Common, Mos Def, Snoop Dogg, Talib Kweli, MC Lyte, Outkast, The Roots, Slum Village & Kanye West. Often, when artists would perform on the stage, Chappelle could be seen in the background bopping his head to the funky beats. He offered a sense of community, consciousness & culture that was refreshing.

After the success of the show's first season, a DVD was immediatley released, though producers couldn't have anticipated the type of public support it received. The "Chappelle Show," sold more DVD's than any other show in the history of television, including over one million copies in just eight days! Yeah, I copped the bootleg...but don't hate, appreciate. The network responded with a fat contract which had Chappelle fighting for his sanity & integrity in an industry where the white, power structure expects you to flip like a pancake because you're a Black man geting paid.

The slim, well dressed comedian was visibly uncomfortable on the show. Chappelle constantly adjusted his seat, moving around & speaking methodically about his current plight. Oprah was fair, firm & focused in her questioning. She listened intently as Chappelle painfully struggled w/ sharing the complex nature of his internal war. At one point, Chappelle said he didn't "want the Black community to be disappointed in him," leading Oprah to astutely interject, "you mean, you don't want to be disappointed in yourself." Chappelle remarked, "you're right, Oprah."

Chappelle talked about how a "few of his sketches were funny, but socially irresponsible." His sensitivity was both appreciated & noted by Oprah several times, as she affirmed his emotional turmoil. When she asked him did he lose his mind, he said, "no, I went crazy, not in a bad way, but I was incredibly stressed out...I needed a break, so I went to Africa & didn't tell anyone until I got there."

What I found fascinating was Chappelle's insight into the demonization of the Black male. He understood how white supremacy opportunistically infects the media, instilling fear, greed & mistrust around the very people he needed to produce his brilliant show. Chappelle conceded his show was "difficult to do...there's a lot of work that goes into the show...they wanted to change some things & they were wrong 100 percent of the time."

As for the vicious rumors, Chappelle quickly squashed the drug scandal, saying he "wasn't on drugs & hasn't been for years." He was publicly open about his heavy marijuana use. The primarily white, female audience howled when, after Oprah questiond his mental state, he said, "who leaves America to go to Africa for medical attention?" Finally, when asked if he'd come back, he said he wanted total creative control, a healthy work environment, some fun again, along w/ the opportunity to reward those people who supported his DVD's.

Chappelle wanted to give money to the people in Louisiana victimized by governmental neglect in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Oprah interrupted him by saying, "you're on national tv, you just can't say you want to give money away, folks will be lined up at your door." Chappelle said he "wants to do it, but that doesn't mean I'm going to do it." His generosity, spirit & warmth was evident throughout the entire show. My sense is the next season of the "Chappelle Show," will go through the roof.

Adam4Adam: Love, Lust or Lies?

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Falling In Love on Brokeback Mountain: And, They're Not Queer

A couple of days ago, I had the pleasure of viewing the film "Brokeback Mountain." I was accompanied by an SGL male friend - an ADODI brother - who was as eager to see the film as I was. In fact, we had plans to see the film last week, but our conflicting schedules would not allow it. My friend & I committed to not seeing the film until we watched it together: I was deeply moved.

My initial reaction, upon learning of the homosexual relationship between two white cowboys, was to dismiss the film as another so-called gay Hollywood romance w/ no particular resonance to me as an SGL man of African descent. Earlier that afternoon, I spoke w/ a couple of SGL brothers who praised the film & insisted I'd experience something different from what I expected or imagined. They were right.

Set in 1963, amidst the backdrop of snow-capped mountains in Wyoming, I was immediately captivated by the beautiful cinematography. From the opening scene, it was clear the environment would play a major role in narrating the story, written & directed by independent filmmaker Ang Lee. The film's two protagonists, sensitively portrayed by Heath Ledger & Jake Gyllenhall, are 'roadies' whose strong work ethic bonds them on a practical level: they need each other to survive.

These two men are connected by rituals requiring them to cook, handle sheep, secure shelter & weather the brutal winter conditions. Alone. Isolated. They have a job to do & nothing else matters. As such, I was fascinated by the simple use of dialogue between these two men, along w/ the empty spaces filled w/ a breathtaking musical score.

I also appreciated their struggle to relate to each other, as men, as human beings, as workers, which evolved slowly as the film progressed. Traditionally, men in this setting are socialized to mask emotions others may perceive as feminine, soft, or weak. Men are not supposed to acknowledge pain, vulnerability, or terror. Yet, on "Brokeback Mountain," they discovered a longing unfamiliar to them. These two men were attracted to each other & they had an awkward time expressing this unexpected energy.

The morning after the men arise from a noticeably physical encounter of anal intercourse, absolute silence descends upon them. While cooking the, now, familiar can of beans, one of the men says to the guy he fucked, "I'm not queer." Without missing a beat, the other guy deadpans, "neither am I." This was the only time a sexual identity was discussed between the two. Up until around 1968, homosexuality was diagnosed as a mental illness in America, so I understood why the men were not, as many men are almost 40 years later, fighting for gay rights.

Contrary to mainstream media outlets, "Brokeback Mountain," is not a gay film. This film chronicles the lives of two men struggling to find meaning in the way they feel for each other. They argue, fight, hug, kiss, laugh & scream at each other over a period of time. As Chris Rock said in one of his HBO specials, "relationships are easy to get into, difficult to maintain." I doubt if the bright, young comedian had this type of relationship in mind, because our society is obsessed w/ gay identity politics.

Because they needed to work, both men had to sacrifice their feelings for each other for months. They made a commitment to stay connected, not sure of where this union would lead, considering the time frame & their need to establish manhood as it was already defined. One of the men married a woman w/ low self-esteen & had two kids in a trailer home. The other married a successful business women & had one kid, though communication problems between the two were apparent from the outset.

Each year the men would plan a 'fishing trip' in order to secretly see each other. I loved witnessing the excitement evident in their body language as they recieved each other's postcards, anticipating another few days, or week, to spend time together - in sin. There was a poignant scene early in the film in which the men engage each other arounf their religous beliefs. Small talk about Methodist & Protestant ethics ensued, which provided a backdrop for their infidelity.

The film took a tragic ending which I won't divulge here. Suffice it to say, the chemistry between these two men transcended class, gender, identity, orientation & skin privilege. The unsung manner in which they related to their families, wives & children demonstrated the complexities inherent in navigating unfamiliar sexual & social terrain. I'd highly recommend this film to my progressive friends & open-mnded family members. I intend to watch it again.

NYC Transit Strike: Illegal or Just?

The recent transit strike by disgruntled transit workers created havoc w/ NYC's seven million riders this past week. Folks complained about everything from the the holiday season to the inconvenience to the weather. Its hard trying to please a fickle audience - ask any Knick fan. Still, I'm grateful after two & half days of absence, the buses & subways are back in operation as contract negotiations between the MTA & TWU 100, led by President Roger Toussaint, move forward toward resolution.

Initially, the MTA offered transit workers a paltry six percent raise over a three year period. Yet, less than one mayoral election ago, the MTA publicly announced they'd 'discovered' a billion dollar surplus: show me the money! Additionally, it was reported the MTA - whose board members are mostly appointed by Governor Pataki - keeps two separate accounting books. Why? In the words of power-driven Gordon Gekko of 'Wall Street' fame, a role which garnered actor Michael Douglas an Oscar, "greed is good." Or, as controversial boxing promoter Don King once poignantly remarked, "only in America."

TWU 100 summarily rejected the MTA's offer, which was later amended to a nine percent raise over a three year period. NYC transit workers gross roughly $55,000 yearly, which, on the surface, is a welcome salary by most standards. However, considering the rising cost of living in NYC, the lack of adequate health care, as well as the higher wages of Long Island Rail Road (L.I.R.R.) & Metro North workers, it was clear the MTA was in for a dog fight.

As the principled Toussaint made clear from his brilliant leadership, the strike was more than a quarrel over money. What did Aretha ask for? R-E-S-P-E-C-T. In addition to the ongoing threat of job security due to more technology & less people in the last decade, transit workers are subjected to deplorable working conditions each day: asbestos, inadequate bathroom facilities, poor audio equipment, rats, substance users, etc. Also, the emotional & physical stress of working long hours in a tiny booth is more than enough to make a sane person go crazy.

When the MTA made their final contract offer - a 10.5 percent raise over three years - the TWU 100 overwhelmingly decided enough was enough. The union sought a 24 percent raise over three years, as well as changes in disciplinary action, improved benefits & pension plan revision, all to no avail. The first to strike were bus drivers in Queens as of 12:01 a.m., Sunday, December 18, followed by bus & subway workers from the metropolitan area as of 12:01 a.m., Tuesday, December 20. Yeah, it was on.

Upon viewing the media coverage of the contract negotiations, I noticed a certain tone ascribed to TWU 100 President Roger Toussaint, a proud native of Trinidad & Tobago. His integrity was attacked by local journalists, newspaper columnists & Mayor Bloomberg, who referred to him as "thuggish." Before his recent election, Bloomberg embraced resolution amongst unions involving firemen, policemen, sanitation workers & teachers. Never, in his term as Mayor, has he referred to a union president as a "thug."

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The Mayor's racist remarks drew the ire of many Black male leaders, most notably Brooklyn Councilman Charles Barron. Barron, a regular guest on Gary Byrd's 'GBE' weekly early morning radio program (WLIB/1190 AM), told Byrd he basically called Toussaint a nigger. Bloomberg, as well as Pataki, shaped the media's coverage of the strike by calling transit workers "selfish & shameful" for breaking the "Taylor Law," a tool used to justify denying the bargaining leverage of a prospective union.

Toussaint, evoking the spirit of Haitian President Toussaint L'Overture, astutely noted the Civil Rights Movement was fueled by illegal activity: the laws of this country were built on the oppression of African people centuries ago. When the late Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat to a white man in the Jim Crow south, she successfully spearheaded a 381 day boycott of the Montgomery Bus Company. The TWU 100 leader also remarked Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, Jr., who won a Nobel Peace Prize award for his humanitarian efforts, was "begrudgingly" given a national holiday on his earth day - January 15.

Even Stevie Wonder can see how Black men are not valued in this society. The blatant level of disrespect accorded Toussaint is consistent w/ the mistreatment of Black men who hold powerful positions in today's society. Unlike other union leaders who value expediency over empowerment, Toussaint remained true to the will of his constituency, 70 percent of whom rely on public transportation. Furthermore, Toussaint disclosed contingency plans which baffled media & political pundits alike. He made me proud.

On the first day of the strike, a Black male Supreme Court Judge - handpicked to handle this case - levied the TWU 100 w/ a million dollar a day fine for breaking the Taylor Law, thereby giving new meaning to 'Black on Black crime.' Additionally, transit workers were fined $25,000 a day for their actions. Later, as negotiations stalled, it was discovered, before the strike was called, the MTA sought to punish transit workers by deducting six percent of their annual salary towards their pension benefits.

As of this writing, transit workers are back to work. For a couple of days, though, I noticed an eerie quiet in the village of Harlem, where I tend to do a lot of walking through anyway. I appreciated the tranquility & wondered how folks were coping. I called a few friends & learned the majority of them empathized w/ the transit workers. They expressed rage towards the supremacist remarks of Bloomberg & Pataki, who didn't intervene at the bargaining table, but instead, viciously attacked the character of Toussaint, a man trying to do his job to the best of his ability, just like the rest of us in this cold ass city.