i am

My photo
harlem, usa
same-gender-loving contemporary descendant of enslaved africans. community activist, feminist, health educator, independent filmmaker, mentor, playwright, poet & spiritual being. featured at, in & on africana.com, afrikan poetry theatre, angel herald, bejata dot com, bet tonight with tavis smiley, blacklight online, black noir, brooklyn moon cafe, gmhc's barbershop, klmo-fm, lgbt community services center, longmoor productions, nuyorican poets cafe, our corner, poz, pulse, rolling out new york, rush arts gallery, saint veronica's church, schomburg center for research in black culture, sexplorations, the citizen, the new york times, the soundz bar, the trenton times, the village voice, upn news, uzuri, venus, vibe, wbai-fm, wnyc-fm & wqht-fm. volunteered with adodi, bailey house, inc., black men's xchange-new york, colorofchange.org, drug policy alliance, east harlem tutorial program, imagenation film & music festival, presente.org, save darfur coalition, the enough project, the osborne association, the sledge group & your black world. worked on films with maurice jamal & heather murphy. writing student of phil bertelsen & ed bullins. mjt975@msn.com.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Will I Win In 2010?

thank god folks didn't call me after the ball dropped to ask me if i have any new year's resolutions. bcuz i don't. new year's resolutions are non-existent virtues i choose not to indulge in. i do believe, however, a new year is a golden opportunity for reflection & intention. deepak chora says, "everything in the universe begins with intention." gary zukav, author of the critically-acclaimed 'seat of the soul, 'says, "what you intend is what you experience." spiritual life coach iyanla vanzant says, "god knows the deepest desires of your heart."

actively learning from their perspectives can help shape my journey. a few years ago i wrote a spiritual vision for success. the paper sits right in front of my computer. i see it everyday. i decided to read it aloud for three consecutive weeks bcuz of a spiritual law - if you do the same thing everyday for 21 days it becomes a habit. applying open-mindedness is essential to growing, maturing & responding life's unfolding mysteries.

i want more for my life in 2010 than i experienced in 2009. or 2008. or 2007. or, you get the message, right? i've been on this earth nearly half a century & i feel it. dammit, i feel everything. everything! at the moment i feel happy yet unfulfilled. content yet not satisfied. optimistic yet worried. excited yet depressed. appreciated yet invisible. thrilled yet scared. a walking paradox, i'm basically a conflicted muhfuh.

despite my creativity, intellect & spirituality i tend to operate more out of fear than love. in fact, the unknown can be terrifying for almost anyone yet this honest self-revelation gives me absolutely no comfort. growing isolation, minor setbacks & petty frustrations make me feel like i'm not making progress. perhaps i need to let go of unrealistic expectations - or get out of my own way, ask others for help & start taking action?

a few years ago i set a goal, one of many, for myself. my goal was to write a book, a film & a play b4 the age of 50. to date, i've written a film & a play. my earth date is august 6. i'm proud of these accomplishments yet frustrated bcuz the work has yet to be seen by anyone other than a few artistic friends. i'm learning to persevere & remain steadfast with my intentions no matter what does or does not happen in my life. life didn't show up god woke me up!

i want to have my own greeting card company for people in recovery & their loved ones. i started taking small biz classes to gather information, network with like-minded folks & seek positive direction. this passionate desire of mine seems incredibly elusive at the moment. one of my ongoing challenges is the inability to focus on one thing at a time. besides, i'd rather watch porn. uh, was that too much information? anyway, oprah winfrey once said, "happiness is having something to look forward to."


so...will 2010 be the year of realized ambitions, new horizons & unlimited possibilities? will 2010 honor the deepest desires of my heart? will 2010 bring me a partner? will 2010 reward me with artistic success? will 2010 offer financial prudence? will 2010 improve my conscious contact with god? or, will i settle for the latest sports obsession, otherwise known as the lebron james sweepstakes? of course, i don't know what will happen in 2010. i'm willing to give it my best & let god take care of the rest. in the meantime, here's to a happy new me :-)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

you not my farther,you don't know me!!!!!